If you wanna be my lover you gotta “get” with my friends. If you don’t want to be my lover I am going to “get” with your friends and probably every girl you are interested in too just because well, I can.
To most people it would seem that I get what I want. And I do, but it’s not always what I really, really want. I am confident and successful in most areas of my life and I often have multiple suitors barking up my tree. It’s all a facade.
To be honest with you I suck at love. I’ve been heartbroken before and try to keep my heart safe at all costs. This makes me a pussy, incapable of making the first move. I can never seem to seal the deal when I fall for someone. It sucks. I’m lonely and desperately want to be touched and kissed, but not just by anyone. I need something more true and worthwhile.
So I don’t jump in head first. I become friends with them and then can never break out of that zone. The person I want does fall in love with me, but for some reason only at a platonic level. Years go by. I’m still here, alone with all of my talent, pure wonderfulness, and cats.
It’s torture to long for something and be paralyzed by fear when trying to get it. It is however creepily easy for me to pick up all of their friends and potential love interests. I know this sounds absolutely shitty.
I can hit on and have a successful one night stand with any girl or guy that they are into. It’s easy to get with someone that you have no intention of loving later. Am I just spite fucking these poor unfortunate souls? Yes, yes I probably am.
I’ve hooked up with some best friends, bandmates, brothers, and random girls that I knew my love interest of moment was into. You would be surprised at how many people really do not respect the bros before hoes law.
The “you” I speak of in the next paragraph is the hypothetical love of my life.
The other day I fucked someone who inspires you, someone who thinks you are incredible, he looks up to you even though he’s older than you. He talked about you while we were together, it made me want you even more. His first question was you aren’t dating that guy right? You would be surprised how many people ask me that. It kills me to say no.
Is it fucked up that you pop into my mind when I close my eyes to kiss anyone else? I want to open my eyes and see you looking back at me, I’m always disappointed when it’s not. It’s not their fault either, they are all amazing and worthwhile humans that I am attracted to, but none of them compare. You make my body tingle without even touching it, without even being here, just thinking about you erupts me.
Gross right? I deserve someone who feels the same way about me and nothing less, but love and lust is so infinitely complex and difficult. There are no rules. You can’t tell your damn heart or libido how to feel.
I don’t know if I did it to feel strangely closer to you or because I am legitimately attracted to this guy. I can see why you are friends with him. Without me even saying your name he told me how you guys met and all the details of your friendship.
He played my harmonica in the key of “V” like a master. But I couldn’t cum. I couldn’t cum because it wasn’t you. It was your friend instead. It was who I could get. It was a version of you that wanted me back. Seemed like a good idea when I was drunk.
He held me after and said all the shit I wanted to hear from your lips. He kissed me goodbye in the morning and told me to say hi to you the next time I saw you. Yea that’s not going to happen.
I fixate on things and people. I need to be absolutely swept off my feet by someone else to get over you, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to throw in the towel and admit defeat. I want you to wake up and realize how incredible we could be together. My fantasy is so tangible that I can’t stop feeling how I do.
I’m definitely a stupid girl sometimes. I don’t use my brain, only my flimsy heart and unbridled sex appeal.
It’s a terrible idea to seek out the best friends and loved ones of your crush and fuck them. Shit happens and it leaves you feeling empty and mean for playing with this other innocent person’s emotions.
I don’t do it to hurt the one I love, I don’t ever want them to know. I just long for a connection.
Here’s the double standard. I would be devastated if it were the other way. If I found out that my crush was banging one of my friends I’d be done. I should think about that next time this situation presents itself. You get what you give.
Spite fucking is ultimately not a good idea. When you truly love someone the ultimate goal is to make them happy or wish them happiness elsewhere and move the fuck on if they don’t want you. Maybe you will remain friends, but probably not. If you are a total psycho like me you will operate a little differently. It’s vitally important to learn from your mistakes and take charge of your own destiny. You will find yours someday, and so will I.
