Birthday rant

Good Monday, everyone.

I trust that this past weekend was good to you all. I now am no longer, as Josh Smith the Rated-R Rockstar so aptly put it, in my “Jesus year.” On Friday I turned 34.

Now, to many of you, 34 seems quite young and to the rest of you, unfathomably old. The only exceptions to this are those who, like me, are in their 30’s. I now understand things that were completely foreign to me until recently. I now know why so many 1960’s rock stars were regularly strung out in the ‘70s on heroin and cocaine, but I’ll still never touch these dangerous drugs.

I know this because I’m still trying to act 19. It’s not quite working. Caffeine now affects me in ways I used to scoff at, so no more strong coffee right before bed. Ageing isn’t supposed to be fun and people who were care-free in THEIR 30’s now tell me all kinds of unwanted advice about too much salt, too much fat, too much sugar, etc. some of them expect me to dilute my DIET soda down to 1/3 intensity!

They tell me they don’t want me to suffer the same problems that THEY now suffer. I have Gout in my knee, a disease formerly only affecting men over 50, in the big toe. People think this is grounds to give me unsolicited, unwarranted, bad advice.

I know my past failures, but I must move beyond them.

My neighbour is in his mid 20’s, owns his own huge house, drives TWO BMWs in summer and a Cadillac SUV in winter and has never had to work a day in his life. He never will because he inherited an empire.

I will never amass the wealth that he has now, but if I did, I can tell you, I wouldn’t be so constantly rubbing it in the faces of everyone else. The thought of keying his cars has crossed my mind, but I would never do that. I have too much respect for cars.

I don’t think he’s ever suffered, or ever will. To him a sacrifice involves giving up something because of TIME, not money.

This year I hope to rise above my current humility into and up to the level where I should be. I need a woman. Ranting on this blog won’t get me one, it might even turn them away from me. I need to lose a lot of weight, especially on camera, which seems to add 30 pounds to my face (last week’s picture is an example of this).

I need a place of my own, which I own. I want to become the gentry, damn it! If I can become the gentry, I can move to a gentrified area of town, such as Westmount, TMR, Hampstead, Cote St-Luc or Outremont. Most likely, I’d move to the Golden Square Mile.

I shouldn’t do a birthday rant without mentioning someone recently fallen, a celebrity I had the pleasure of knowing personally in the mid ‘90’s (just before the fame). RIP Lhasa de Sela. The Plateau, the mountain tam-tams and the Yellow Door will never be the same again, let alone the WorldBeat and international musical stages.

If I can have everything I want for myself and others, I will likely become very generous. that is, to those who’ve helped me through this previous two years, which for me were very tough. FTB would likely be the greatest benefactor of this, as FTB is my forum, and its members are among my closest friends.

So, I’ll accept belated birthday gifts and wishes from you all and, at the risk of sounding selfish, happy belated birthday to me!

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