The Morning After

CultureSexThe Morning After

#Mamming is the act of laying your (clothed) boobs on a flat surface. Like a counter. Or a bench. Or a person who is #planking. –www.thisismamming.com

Yes, apparently this is a thing now: posing your boobs on top, snapping a photo and posting it to Instagram, all in the name of breast cancer awareness. It’s called mamming, ahem I mean #mamming, a cheeky little term coined (rather unsurprisingly) by two ad executives from New York, Michelle Lamont and Michelle Jaret, in an attempt to break through the clutter of breast cancer awareness month. It’s a pretty easy sell, I mean, who doesn’t like pictures of tits, even when they’re covered?

The goal of the mamming campaign is twofold: to remind women to get screened for breast cancer as well as show solidarity by embracing the awkwardness of actually getting a mammogram. Lamont, herself a breast cancer survivor, credits early detection and prevention as crucial for beating the disease. The website thisismamming.com features an array of brightly colored photos of mostly younger women, accompanied by a barrage of whimsical fonts and ever-present hashtags.

mamming1The lightheartedness of the campaign came under fire in the media for trivializing the issue. As Mary Elizabeth Williams argues on Salon.com, “posting your cleavage on Instagram does nothing to fight breast cancer”. She voices her exasperation and disgust that women’s health issues like breast cancer awareness are framed in ways she deems cutesy and ultimately not very helpful. It’s almost like a slap in the face for survivors of the disease, especially as the issue is hotly contested whether early detection actually does save as many lives as it is purported to.

As North American women embraced the mammogram as the most important tool for early detection, scientists’ understanding of the disease itself was changing, especially where younger women are concerned. Their denser breast tissue subjects them to a disproportionate number of false positives, and almost more alarmingly, false negatives, where the cancer was missed altogether.

Furthermore, the direct effect of cancer marketing campaigns like mamming, Movember and the ubiquitous Pink Ribbon are being called into question. While they do admittedly draw the public eye to the existence and pervasiveness of the disease, they have also been accused of lulling us into a false state of accomplishment. Sure, I can post a picture of my breasts resting atop my bookcase or my friend who’s passed out on my couch, and that can make me feel like I’m contributing in the fight against cancer when I’m actually doing absolutely nothing to help the cause. And how many of those women who are mamming their breasts all over the place will actually end up going for a mammogram? Mamming reeks of poor execution of good intentions: they certainly tried to inject a little humour and style into mammogram awareness, but ultimately ended up sacrificing the graveness of the illness that has cut short the lives of countless women.

CultureSexThe Morning After

Less than five minutes into the pilot of the new Showcase drama Masters of Sex and we’re already observing a couple going at it doggy style from the closet of a seedy-looking brothel. Based on the influential biography by Thomas Maier Masters of Sex: The Life and Times of William Masters and Virginia Johnson, the Couple Who Taught America How to Love, the new hit show follows the ob-gyn and his protégé who became pioneering researchers into the study of human sexuality in the late 1950s and 1960s.

Before the scientific study of sex was a socially acceptable practice, Dr. Masters, played with a calm and collected confidence by Michael Sheen, had to find his research subjects wherever he could. Without official permission from his university, he resorts to paying prostitutes not for their services but for their secrets. In an early scene from the pilot, Masters’ scientific curiosity seems clouded by his astonishing naivety, likely a product of the period of his upbringing. He questions why a woman would fake an orgasm and whether it’s a common practice of prostitutes, to which his subject replies in a blasé manner that “it’s common practice amongst anyone with a twat.”

When Masters realizes he’ll truly need a female perspective to crack the code of understand human sexuality, he teams up with the sexually liberated Virginia Johnson, played exuberantly by Lizzy Caplan. The twice-married (and twice-divorced) single mother isn’t afraid to speak candidly or frankly about sex, a very unusual quality for a woman in 1958. She stands out from other female characters on the show, notably Masters’ wife who creepily refers to him as “daddy”, as if that would somehow aid in their feeble attempt to conceive.

Masters_of_Sex_59494 “I love the idea of using the notion of trying to understand sex in a scientific way as a way to understanding love and intimacy and relationships, which is really what our show is all about,” said showrunner Michelle Ashford in New York Magazine. “It was a trip to explore how much changed since the late fifties and to explore how much has not changed since the late fifties.”

This highly stylized drama draws an immediate Mad Men comparison for its time period setting, but that’s about where the similarities end. For one thing, it’s definitely quite a bit steamier, and many people admittedly will be watching for the sex, which is done with the usual funny flair of other Showtime hits like Weeds.

The writers decided not to romanticize the deed, opting instead to depict the awkward, funny and harrowing qualities of laboratory voyeur sex, both for those taking part and those just watching. If they continue to deliver such intriguing dramatization on historical attitudes towards sex that make for an interesting commentary on how far we’ve come since the landmark study, viewers will definitely be salivating for more.

 

CultureSexThe Morning After

When you get right down to it, the odds of finding true love are pretty dismal. Considering all the factors that need to line up perfectly like attraction, chemistry and timing, British mathematician Peter Backus put the chances at one in 285 000.  He based his calculations on the Drake Equation, which was derived in 1961 to estimate the number of possible extra-terrestrial civilizations that could exist in our galaxy. While the Drake Equation looks at factors like the average rate of star formation per year in our galaxy and the fraction of those stars that have habitable planet, Backus whittled down the London dating pool by gender, age, education and attraction to a mere 26 lucky ladies.

But what if you had a magical Love Potion Number 9 that you could slip into someone’s drink to make them unwittingly and insatiably infatuated with you? How much could you charge for even a single dose?

Theoretical approaches to answering this question vary wildly, as love is one of those things that are nearly impossible to quantify in tangible terms. Different people experience it in markedly different ways, but there are some universal qualities that remain the same across race, class or sexuality. For the purpose of this piece, I refer to that boundless, can’t-get-you-out-of-my-head-but-I-don’t-even-want-to-try kind of love. In psychology, it is known as consummate love, characterized by intimacy, passion and commitment.

economicsofliveOne way of attempting to quantify the cost of love is looking at the financial costs of courtship such as dinner and a show, apology flowers for when you fuck up, a sparkling engagement ring and an unforgettable wedding. According to the research team at RateSupermarket.ca, you’d better start saving now because you’ll need an astonishing $43 842.

“We’re having a little fun with this, but all kidding aside, money problems are the most common reason for break ups,” noted Kelvin Mangaroo, president of RateSupermarket.ca.

But this figure hardly compares with the monetary value of hearing the words “I love you” from your beloved’s lips for the first time. The British research group Brainjuicer polled 1,000 lottery winners and determined that the amount of happiness brought on by a declaration of love is equivalent to winning £163 424 ($256 911).

Another way of looking at the economics of relationships is by analyzing what happens to our social circles when we couple up. According to a study from Oxford University conducts by evolutionary anthropologist Brian Dunbar, we generally have about five close friends at any given point in our adult lives. To make room for a new love, one of those friends is given the boot.

“What I suspect happens is that your attention is so wholly focused on your romantic partner that you just don’t get to see the other folks you have a lot to do with, and therefore some of those relationships just start to deteriorate and drop down into the layer below,” theorized Dunbar.

So even though romantic relationships make us poor and less popular, they ultimately bring us something else that money can’t buy: happiness. Those who place a higher value on money than love are far more likely to be unsatisfied with their lives.  After all, your money can’t hug you when you’re feeling blue, massage your feet when you’ve had a rough day or stare deeply into your eyes while reciting romantic poetry. As soon as it can, the need for love as we know it might vanish forever.

Photo credit: 14 Wyys an Economist Says I Love You – http://fosslien.com/heart/

CultureSexThe Morning After

These days, hooking up is easier than ever. I bet I could find a half-decent looking stranger willing to come over to my place and bang me silly in less than thirty minutes online, half that if I straight up advertise myself as a sex columnist. I used to think of hooking up as the junk food of sex: sinfully decadent in the moment but like, empty calories, it left me yearning for something more filling and complete… I’m glad I held out.

Earlier this month, the New York Times published an article pondering the fate of courtship in the sexually liberated sphere of hookup culture. For the first time in history, single young women in their 20’s and early 30’s have finally tipped the scales in their favor and are more successful, on average, than their bachelor counterparts.  They are more likely than single young men to have a university degree and have a higher salary, but only if they’re unmarried, childless, and living in a major metropolitan area. Don’t worry guys – you still dominate the highest-income jobs.

While some argue that hookup culture is toxic and damaging to the young women who seem to have no other choice but to participate in it, others view it as being carefully orchestrated by women themselves to maximize their own gains. As Hanah Rosin proclaimed in her 2012 book ‘The End of Men’, “feminist progress right now largely depends on the existence of the hookup culture.”  And it is, as she points out, perpetuated more often by women looking for sexual satisfaction that doesn’t distract from their educational or career aspirations.

Much has been written about the role of hookup culture in college life, but what happens after students leave the campus bubble behind? Author of the forthcoming book ‘The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture Is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused about Intimacy’ Donna Freitas argues that young people don’t know how to get out of hookup culture as they are completely unfamiliar with the basic social graces of dating. “They’re wondering, ‘If you like someone, how would you walk up to them? What would you say? What words would you use?’ ” she said.

The decline of traditional courtship that relied on face-to-face communication corresponds with the rise of less personal technology like texting, Facebook and e-mail. Whereas it used to require a certain deal of courage and personal investment to even ask someone out, now it’s just as easy to send a text inviting them along to hang out with you and your friends. Some clueless millenials are even hiring dating coaches to instruct them in the ways of flowers, flirting and flattery.

As satisfying as a hookup can be, women are frequently getting the short end of the stick because of their more delicate and temperate physiology. I suppose if a man is barely able to invest the time to set up a one-on-one date with you, why would he bother learning the intricacies your body and bringing it to full body shaking orgasm unless he’s a talented, caring and considerate lover. And once you find one of those, hang on for dear life, as sex ultimately becomes better with real intimacy, a lesson that young people will eventually learn when they get tired of the thrill of the hookup.

period sex
CultureSexThe Morning After

period sexSo, once a month blood comes out of my vagina. And not just a little bit either. I bleed heavily for, like, seven days. No shit. Some of it’s red, some of it’s brown, and some days I bleed big, almost black blood clots. Grossed out? Well tough. It’s all part of the beautiful magic that is pussy. Get the fuck over it.

The thing is, I get really, super horny when I have my period. And I’m not the only one. I’ve talked to tons of other fabulous ladies who get major clitty boners during red tide too. Apparently it has something to do with our raging hormones. The same ones that make us feel like nothing is right in the world and it’s probably all your fault, you sexy sexy jerk.

However I have to admit that, although I’m a progressive, grown-ass woman, and I try hard to overcome our patriarchal society’s constant attempts to make me ashamed of my body, I’m a wee bit uncomfortable gettin busy when Aunt Flo’s in town. It’s just so… messy. And there’s nothing that makes it harder for a lady to have an earth-shattering orgasm than feeling all self-conscious, ya know?

What to do?

First, let’s talk about some of the REALLY AMAZING benefits of having period sex:

Wait, I lied. First, a cautionary side note:
Having unprotected sex while a woman is menstruating significantly increases the risk of transmitting STDs. So wrap that shit up.

Ok NOW let’s talk about the period sex pros:

Less cramps, more smiles!
That’s right, you heard me. Having an orgasm releases lots of feel good hormones into your blood that help ease cramps and improve your mood. Anyone who’s ever been anywhere near a bitchy, crampy chick on her period will agree that this is pretty fuckin awesome.

It’s extra slippery
Sex is best when the lady boat is as wet as possible. Menstrual blood is a natural lubricant. ‘Nuff said.

It shortens your period
When a lady orgasms it makes the muscles inside her uterus ripple and that pushes the blood out quicker than it would usually come out on it’s own, thereby lessening the amount of time she bleeds. Of course, this adds to the whole messy situation, but I’m getting to that. Hold your horses!

You probably won’t get pregnant
If you’re in a monogamous relationship, and everyone’s been tested for STDs, and you REALLY REALLY trust that no one’s been gettin some on the side, and you’re not on the pill or whatever, then this could be super great for you. There’s very little chance of getting pregnant while you have your period, so your man can (pretty) safely cum inside you. This is a really good thing to point out to men who are squeamish about putting it in while you’re bleeding. Just sayin.

Ok, that’s all fine and good but WHAT ABOUT THE MESS?period sex

A friend of mine once confided to me that her boyfriend was so ok with the period sex thing, that he would stick his fingers in her love cave and then draw all over her body with her blood while fucking her. I found this kind of hot and kind of disturbing. Seriously though, kudos to all you awesome men out there who have embraced the bloody pussy. You’re badass and are probably also well acquainted with the little woman in the boat.

For everyone else, here are a few tricks for mess-free period sex:

Tampons
Ok so I use this trick ALL THE TIME. I’ve never gotten an infection or had pain or not been able to get the tampon out after or anything. Seeing as how all of us lady goddesses are built differently though, and I’ve never actually asked my doctor if this is safe, proceed with caution.

When I know the sex is about to happen, I usually just excuse myself to the loo, pop in a small tampon, stick the string up into my pussy and, voila! No mess and usually my lover can’t even feel it in there. You might want to lube up a bit before penetration to make sure things are all glidy inside, but that’s just generally sound practice all the time anyway.

This is an especially good trick if having your pussy eaten is your favorite thing ever but the pussy eater doesn’t like the taste of blood.

Sea Sponges
These little puppies work just as well as a tampon (for sex or just for regular daily protection). As I said above, just insert, lubricate and have at it. Fun! My favorite ones are from Jade and Pearl and you can order them through the internets.

Sex in the shower
To be honest, this isn’t one of my favorite things. The water washes away all of your natural lubricant and, unless you’re a rich fucker with a bench in your huge marble shower, you have to do it standing up or precariously balanced on the slippery side of your tub, which is awkward and dangerous. I one time was at a B&B with my ex and while we were doing it in the shower he slipped and knocked himself out. We had to call an ambulance and it was horrible and embarrassing and scary. Never again. However, if you’re into that kind of thing or you’re one of the aforementioned rich fuckers, you can go at it and not have to worry about mess.

In conclusion I would like to say that sex is great, periods are a part of life, and we should all try real hard to just get over it and enjoy them together. Go forth fuckers, and menstruate!

period sex

CultureSexThe Morning After

sexshowbannerAs I pull on another pair of warm, woolen socks to complement my thick knit sweater, I realize that the chill of winter has really set in. But I’ve drank my fill of steeped tea, soup will simply no longer suffice and leaving my undergarments on the radiator while I’m in the shower only keeps me warm for so long. I can think of no better way to truly beat the winter blues than between the sheets with a hot lover.

If you’re looking for a way to really impress that hot lover, bring them to the Everything to do with Sex Show, or as the ever-so-romantic French dub it, the Salon de L’Amour et de la Seduction. It’s North America’s premier adult trade show, taking place from Friday January 18th to Sunday January 20th at Place Bonaventure.

The main draw of the event is the diverse selection of sex toys, or as they’re known around here, “pleasure objects”, as well as luxurious lubricants and lingerie at special prices from vendors such as Lovedreamer.com and Sexy Pleasures Lingerie. Over three quarters of attendees visit the show specifically to see the exhibitors and check out the hottest new trends in all things pleasurable.

RoxiOnce you’ve picked out the perfect vibrator for you, and selected the silkiest smooth lube to go with it, you can explore ways of realizing your darkest fantasies in the dungeon with MiMi Cherry or catch a titillating live burlesque show from Roxi D’Lite and Pastel Supernovaon the Main Stage. If latex and lace is more up your alley, you’ll love the fashion show from Coquette lingerie and Polymorphe latex, billed as the interconnection of naughty and nice, and the sensual blend of the yin and yang.

Next, you can pick up a few tantalizing tricks that will drive your lover wild in the Steaming Hot Oral Sex workshop with sexologist Dr. Jessica O’Reilly. Or, maybe you’d rather hear advice Josey Vogels has for busy couples who want to turn up the heat in their relationship and bring desire and lust back into the bedroom.

Finally, round out your experience by visiting the Erotic Art stage for some live body painting – as a spectator or as a participant – and the sexy fitness zone for an Alternative Fitness Demonstration by Canadian pioneer of pole dancing Maiko Starr, flaunting her flexibility and demonstrating feats of flexibility with a sensual twist.

This year, organizers have added a Celebrity Star Area, featuring appearances by porn stars Tera Patrick (@TERA1PATRICK) and Charmaine Starr (@CharmaneStar), who will also be serving as Twitter ambassadors for the weekend alongside Mina Stefan (@MinaStefan), Playboy’s reigning sexiest girl on Twitter.

Complete Stage, Dungeon and Workshop schedules as well as tickets for either day are available at the convention’s website .

CultureThe Morning After

A new year always seems like a good time for a fresh start. But why does it seem that making New Year’s resolutions is almost as common as breaking them?

New Year’s resolutions have existed since the time of ancient Babylon when people would make promises to the gods about paying back debts and returning borrowed objects. The most common resolutions these days include quitting smoking, losing weight and exercising, getting out of debt and spending more time with friends and family. This year, Google created an interactive map at their 2012 Zeitgeist website charting New Year’s resolutions around the globe. With over half a million entries, more than a third focused on the desire to love or be loved.

I suppose it’s no coincidence for us Northern dwellers since New Year’s Day falls right in the midst of the bleakest, most depressing stretch of the year to be sleeping in a bed alone. Also, seeing happily coupled up friends and family at the holidays can sometimes remind the bachelor or bachelorette of just how lonely they are… though it usually tips the other way when seemingly inevitable bickering between couples takes over.

Before you go being too hard on yourself for skipping the gym for the fourth consecutive day of 2013, you should know that New Year’s resolutions are an uphill battle. According to a 2007 survey of more than 3,000 people, 88% of resolutions end in failure.

Perhaps they fail because, at the end of the day, quitting smoking and losing weight aren’t really that exciting – there’s no immediate payoff or reward. Maybe it’s time to rethink the resolution. Let’s make 2013 the lust, love and intimacy.

If you’re single, make 2013 the year of dating and getting to know new people. One of the best ways to accomplish this goal is through online dating. Honestly, I would have never thought it could work, but have been championing it after joining OkCupid last summer as a social experiment. I thought I’d be able to turn it into a really good article or two, maybe eat a free dinner or catch an interesting movie, but then wound up meeting someone truly wonderful and special. Most importantly, cultivate the traits in yourself similar to those of person you want to attract. If you set out to be a nurturing, kind person, the universe might just send you someone like that in return.

Make 2013 the year of new sex. Try positions you’ve never tried before. Book a romantic getaway for a sex-filled weekend under exotic sheets.  Explore a new fetish or kink that you’ve been hesitant to indulge.

Make 2013 the year of having more orgasms. Try giving yourself an orgasm everyday for a month, or see how many orgasms you can have in one day, and try to top it the next. Buy a new vibrator and show your partner exactly where you like it, or let them explore for themselves. Knowing your body is one of the most important aspects of having a fulfilling sex life.

If your New Year’s resolution is to watch more cute cat video, and really, admit it, we could all use a little more cat-related cuteness in our lives, this should quench your thirst quite nicely:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KD9qvF4z8cE&feature=youtu.be

CultureSexSubcategoriesThe Morning After

Tabloid journalism and the internet have killed any semblance of privacy for celebrities. We devour every little detail of their lives, especially their sordid and deviant sexual behavior. Maybe we like it because we thrive on drama, or maybe because it makes us feel a bit better about our own sex lives. At any rate, 2012 was a banner year for sex scandals of all sorts from illicit tapes to irate masseurs.

Hulk Hogan Sex Tape

Deep down, pretty much everyone loves a good celebrity sex tape. Watching someone famous at their most intimate and vulnerable usually just reminds us of how human they are when we hear their banal sex talk or catch a glimpse of their awkward orgasm faces. It’s hard to say what the best part is about the grainy, black and white Hulk Hogan sex tape where he bangs a hot brunette named Heather Clem who happens to be the ex-wife of Hogan’s supposed best friend, Bubba the Love Sponge. Is it the thong tan lines, Hogan pausing to look at but ultimately not answer his ringing cell phone in the midst of it all or his Hulk of an erection.

Hogan claimed that he was completely secretly filmed without his permission, and even sued Gawker to the tune of $100 million for publishing an edited version of the tape, which they claim to have received from an anonymous source and refuse to take down.

John Travolta’s Never-Ending Gay Rumours

It was not a good year for John Travolva’s heterosexuality. First there were the allegations that he exposed his eight-inch member to a masseur during a private massage and proceeded to grope the masseur and offer a reverse massage with a happy ending. The whole ordeal ended with Travola allegedly proclaiming that “Hollywood is controlled by homosexual Jewish men who expect favors in return for sexual activity.” Travolta obviously denied the claim, rebutting that he was across the country when it happened.

Then the lawsuits and gay rumours just kept coming: his tendency to visit gay bathhouses, expose himself to cruise-ship employees and a six-year long affair in the 1980s with a former pilot.

Elmo Likes Young Boys

One of this year’s biggest sex scandals is brought to you by the letters E-L-M-O. Kevin Clash, the 52-year old puppeteer for Elmo, the little red Muppet that everyone loves on Sesame Street, was accused of having consensual sexual relationships with at least four different teenage boys.

After the first came forward, three more accusers surfaced seeking damages of between $75 000 and $5 million. One of the accusers, Cecil Singleton, claimed to have engaged in sexual activity with Clash on numerous occasions over a period of years that Singleton ended because he was uncomfortable with the age gap. The allegations have forced Clash to resign from his position on Sesame Street. “I am deeply sorry to be leaving,” said Clash in his parting statement, “and am looking forward to resolving these personal matters privately.”

CultureSexThe Morning After

Men aren’t the only ones who can give the gift of pleasure this holiday season. Many men enjoy sex toys as much as, or even more than women, but might be more reticent to admit it, making Christmas the perfect time to spoil him. If he’s a newbie or needs a little help getting past his ego, you can initiate him into the satisfaction of incorporating a few pleasure objects into his sexual repertoire.

To indulge his inner geek, try the Alien Fleshlight, which billed as “an unworldly experience that will abduct your penis and send it spiraling through in a real milky way!” It’s no surprise the manufacturer of the #1 best selling sex toy for men would come up with a way to capitalize on every nerdy boy’s Avatar and alien fucking fantasies. With its eerie, pearlescent blue sleeve, exclusive inner texture that features a Vortex canal, a Lotus node and an other-worldly double clit, it’s sure to be a truly unique experience.

If he’s been a really good boy, you could splurge for the Ultimate Alien Fantasy kid, which includes a copy of “This Ain’t Avatar XXX” in both 2D and 3D versions. It sounds like we’re almost creepily close to virtual reality sex where dicks and pussies protrude from television sets for our insatiable pleasure.

Or perhaps you’d prefer to get his motor running with the hottest new toy on the market for men, Fun Factory’s Cobra Libre. With a sleek shape inspired by the curves of a sports car, it is a luxury vibrating toy made from hypoallergenic, medical grade silicone. It features a dual motor system that pulsates and oscillates in a unique pattern of vibrations around the ultra sensitive head of the penis. The interior bumps and ridges are said to simulate the feeling of receiving a blow job. Like many female vibrators on the market, it is fully rechargeable, waterproof and easy to clean. The discreet design is an added bonus!

The online reviews of this toy range from absolutely  glowing to dismal, with most of the criticism centering around the overly sensitive controls and low charge (30-60 minutes) compared with a high charge time (up to 12 hours). Some boast it can bring them to shuddering climax within minutes, while others longed for a extended shaft that delivered a wider range of sensations.

Although both the aforementioned toys come with a long list of unique features, they also both come with hefty price tags. If you’re looking for a stocking stuffer that both of you will enjoy, look no further than the classic cock ring. Cock rings can help couples prolong pleasure by limiting blood flow to the penis, thereby delay ejaculation. Look for one that will fit snugly around the base of the penis. The most popular options are the vibrating ones, which range from battery-operated beauties to luxurious, rechargeable ones made from top quality silicone.

CultureSexSubcategoriesThe Morning After

I think it’s safe to say that sex toys are more popular now than ever. Shows like Sex and the City gave them mainstream culture recognition by featuring female characters talking candidly about their experiences with them. E. L. James’ wildly popular 50 Shades of Grey trilogy took it even a step further by introducing S&M into the equation. Even the recent NHL lockout was deemed partially responsible for a 15% jump in sex toy sales at an Edmonton store that peddles to couples looking to “expand their horizons”.

The sex toy industry generates upwards of $15 billion a year in sales, with nearly half of all women admitting to having used one at some point. Interestingly, married women are twice as likely to use them as their single counterparts. By 2020, UK online sex toy retailer Lovehoney estimates that sales will rise to $60 billion, matching those of our other favorite vibrating gadget, the smartphone.

“It’s not just toys but soft bondage, too. Couples everywhere are going to be sexing up Christmas and realizing that stockings are for a lot more than stuffing presents in!” joked Lovehoney co-founder Neal Slateford.

In Canada, check out large online retailers like Lovedreamer and Pink Cherry for some amazing deals an unbeatable selection. Here are some suggestions to give her the gift of pleasure this holiday season:

 

Inner Goddess Silver Balls –

When a third of your stock sells out in the first 24 hours of sales, you know you’ve got a hit. Lovehoney introduced the world’s first official 50 Shades of Grey pleasure products, with their star, the Inner Goddess Silver Balls, which secretly stimulate the G-spot with their heavy weight.

They might even make your lady “flush from the constant movement” and “needy, needy for sex”, as they did Ana Steel, the trilogy’s naïve heroine. With a combined weight of 221g and a girth of 3.75” each, they’ve been specifically designed for kegel experts who are seeking a new challenge.

Make Me Over –

There’s something to be said for the element of surprise in a sex toy. At first, this one looks like some sort of girlie flying saucer, resting in a discreet black compact. Turns out, the Make Me Over massager toy from the Bedroom Kandi line by The Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Kandi Burrus, features a powerful, whisper-quiet motor that delivers 7 enticing vibration patterns. The disc shape allows for stimulation of a larger area, or it can be turned on its edge to focus on her most sensitive spots.

Best of all, it is made from body friendly silicone and charges via USB plug in the accompanying discreet compact that even features a mirror for lipstick touch-ups afterwards.

Clone-A-Willy Kit –

What started off as a company making incredibly life-like props for the film industry blossomed into the most popular take-home DIY dildo kit, Clone-A-Willy. Yes, it’s pretty much exactly what it sounds like:  mix the molding powder with water, pour it into the provided tube, insert your favorite erect penis, wait a few minutes until it is set, and BAM, you’ve got a phthalate-free replica of your man’s manhood for when he’s not around. Comes in a variety of shades including hot pink, glow-in-the-dark, jet black and even edible chocolate.

 

CityCultureThe Morning After

I don’t know about you, but my office sure has been looking a little more manly this month. I even caught myself making flirtatious eye contact with guys I’d never really given more than a glance to before. Then it hit me: Movember! I wasn’t flirting with the face – I was flirting with the mustache.

Yes, there something about the mustache that signifies manliness, an image which the team at Movember has continued to cultivate with their ever-growing fundraising campaign. Last year, the Canadian campaign raised over $32 million for prostate cancer research, with nearly a quarter of a million men donating their upper lips for the cause.

No one could have predicted that what started off nine years ago as a team of 30 “Mo Bros” in Melbourne, Australia would turn into a global movement involving millions raising funds and awareness towards men’s health issues, specifically prostate cancer.

This year, Montrealers flaunted their handlebars, Fu Manchus and and porn staches on twitter @MovemberMTL. Their month-end gala party will be held Friday, November 30th at the Rialto theatre, 5723 Parc, where they’re be handing out prizes for Best Mo in Character, Team Mo, Miss Movember (wonder if there will be any muffstaches?), and Man of Movember 2012.

Competing for the mustache crowd that evening is the crew at Spreakeasy Electro Swing Montreal, presenting an Electro Swing versus Electro Blues event at La Sala Rossa, 4848 St. Laurent. I imagine the mustaches will fit right in with the bow ties and retro vibe of what promises to be a night of sweet dancing and solid grooves. They will also be holding a contest for best mustaches on the dance floor, best man and best woman, where they encourage women to get creative in the facial hair department.

So in honour of Movember, I present a few of my favorite mustaches:

Groucho Marx:

I had to include him here, as his bushy black stache is one of the first that the mind conjures when it hears of the word mustache. Marx’s moustache began as greasepaint smeared on his upper lip during in his vaudeville days, making the switch to a real one when he moved to television.

Salvador Dali:

Of course the reigning champion of all things bizarre and surreal would have his own take on the mustache. The Dali stache is so renowned that it has its own category in the World Beads and Moustache Growing Contest, who describe it as “slender with long tips, straight up or arching up”.

Burt Reynolds:

Mr. Reynolds has the distinction of having likely the only mustache in the world with a band, Facebook group and abhorrent sexual tryst named for it. It’s right up there with Tom Selleck’s as a pillar of rugged of masculinity.

If you’re throwing your own Movember party, you can even Pin the Mustache on Burt Reynolds:

Nick Offerman:

The contemporary mustache champion of the silver screen is without a doubt Park and Recreation’s deliciously deadpan Ron Swanson, played by Nick Offerman. In addition to being able to grow a truly awesome mustache, Offerman has helped to shape this “man’s man” in other ways, such as incorporating his real-life passion for woodworking. This year, he’s served as one of the spokesmen for Movember, filming a mock PSA for men with the in-between stache hoping that it gets fuller.

 

Arts & TheatricsCityThe Morning After

This time last year, if you had told me that you could pull off a hilarious holiday-themed musical with only 24 hours of rehearsal time, I would have thought you were crazy. Most plays, even amateur ones, have a rehearsal period of months, giving those involved plenty of time to hone their craft, perfect their lines and master their cues. But last December, the crazy crew at Glam Gam Productions successfully pulled it off with the first annual 24-hour XXX Mystery Cabaret Show.

Jason Ross Sellars as Ebenezer Splooge

We staged a raunchy re-telling of Charles Dickens’ classic A Christmas Carol, where Ebeneezer Scrooge became Splooge, a porn producer. This year, we’re at it again and seeking actors, singers, dancers, theatre geeks, circus freaks, burlesque performers, musicians, artists, set builders, costume wizards – you name it. We want you! Come on down to Café Cleopatre at 9pm on Thursday, November 29th to pick you role and get your script.

Maybe you haven’t been on stage since appearing as Tony in a high school production of West Side Story the better part of a decade ago. Or perhaps you’d be popping your stage cherry, gracing the worn floorboards and facing a live audience for the very first time. You’ve always been a bit of an exhibitionist, now it’s time to explore. If you’re not quite ready for the stage, you could always lend a hand with props or costumes and watch the actors sweat down to their skivvies from the trap door.

Let’s clear one thing up first: it’s not a play that’s 24 hours long. We do like dancing and taking our clothes off, but even we need to sleep sometimes. Rather, it’s a production that is selected from three contenders, cast, rehearsed and staged, all in 24 short hours. It will require heaps of collaboration and boundless courage along with (realistically) a Christmas miracle.

But telling a Christmas story can’t be that hard, right? We’ve whittled it down to three famed tales that were particularly memorable from our formative years and given them a healthy dose of sugar, spice and all things naughty and nice. Our choices are How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and Frosty the Snowman.

We’ve broken the roles down to three categories: Luscious Lead (*may require full or partial nudity), Scantilly Clad Chorus, or a Camel Toe Cameo. Our call is open to professionals and amateurs alike, all roles are up for grabs. Be forewarned though: you could have to sing, you might dare to dance, but above all else, you must be prepared to be ridiculous.

And as completely insane as it sounds, ready or not the curtains will draw 24 hours later and a play will be performed. For more information or to fill out a registration form, visit Glamgam.com. Or go there anyways, there are lots of sexy pictures of past shows.

Finally, please cum and check out the show next Saturday, November 30th at Cafe Cleopatre (1230 St. Laurent). Doors open at 9 and the show starts at 10 sharp. The cost is $12, or $10 with a non-perishable food item for Head & Hands. This show is a fundraiser for our 2013 Montreal Fringe play. Will we succeed in pulling off this seemingly insane undertaking? Or will we fall flat on our naked butts??   Either way, it’s entertainment!

 

CultureSexThe Morning After

Dear readers:

It has been two whole years since I first invited you to join my sex life and what an adventurous and interesting time it’s been. Spanning a variety of topics over one hundred pieces, I’ve been able to do one of my favorite things – go at it from a bunch of different angles.

All joking aside, that is one of the things I like most about writing this column. Some pieces are personal observations from my personal life or events I attend, while others are reporting news issues relating to sexuality or gender politics in Canada and around the world. Not only have I racked up practically a lifetime’s worth of saucy cocktail party stories, I’ve actually learned a fair deal as well.

By far the most ridiculous of these stories was the infamous night that then-film columnist, the fabulous Steph Laughlin and I went to watch a porno at Cinema L’Amour. We had only met once before at a FTB general meeting, where she lamented never having any wild adventures with her column. Naturally, I decided to help her change that, and a few weeks later we were slurping gin from my flask inside the surprisingly nice vintage theater, anxiously wondering what it would be like to watch porn on the big screen with a bunch of old pervs. Turns out, we got a live show right beside us that stole our attention right away from the screen.

Those who know me know that I like to get naked in public, from time to time. Last summer I got to combine that with one of my other favorite past times, riding my bike, when I participated in the World Naked Bike Ride. While I wasn’t surprised by how superior the sensation felt compared with riding while going commando in a flowing skirt, I was impressed and downright flattered by all the whistles from grateful pedestrians and honks from vehicles being treated to a free show while waiting at red lights downtown.

Before I started writing this column, I didn’t get to practice my reporting skill very often. To me, nothing beats the thrill of flashing my press pass for free entry to a sold out show or highly sought-after event. Naturally, there was no way I could pass up Canada’s biggest adult consumer trade show, the “Salon de l’Amour et de la Seduction”, or as they so crudely call it in English, the Everything to do with Sex Show. It was there that I acquired Ina, a “pleasure object” that would become the subject of a heated sex toy debate that pitted the motor-driven toys against their often larger, harder counterparts. Spoiler alert: I like them both too much to have to choose between them!

The other “big ticket” event of the year for a sex columnist is Montreal Fetish Weekend. I bet the spanking I would have gotten for not going would have been much more painful than the one I got there.

This past summer, as the political climate in the city heated up, protesters sought refuge in each other’s arms, uniting via the @Manifdating Twitter handle. Love in the time of revolution is the perfect opportunity to bust out gems like, “Baby, let’s smash the state and fornicate”, and “I wish I was your casserole so you’d tap me.”

I hope you continue to enjoying reading this column as I thrive on living it and attempting to distill it into 500 words every week. And to those of you who have kept me company through countless late night Friday deadlines; I thank you from the bottom of my procrastinating heart.

CultureThe Morning After

According to Forbes magazine, I am scientifically less likely to become famous now that I’ve turned 30. I guess deep down, I always knew this day was coming. I mean, I’ve had a taste of fame that left me wanting more after being recognized at the odd party for my burlesque booty shaking or my wry and witty take on sex and relationships, but I certainly wouldn’t go so far as to call myself a celebrity.

Forbes cites a study in a January 2011 issue of Science magazine where the researchers measured fame and celebrity by the number of times a person’s name was mentioned in books at the time. It seems that in every year since they started measuring the age of famous people, it dropped lower and lower. In the early 19th century, the average famous person attained their celebrity by the age of 43 By the mid 19th century, that number plummeted to age 34. About a hundred years later in the mid 20th century, the average median age of fame was 29, the age I just passed.

One thing the study did not take into consideration was the effect of other media like the internet on fame, which will certainly cause the median age of fame to plunge even lower.

When I was younger, I guess I thought I’d have it all figured out by 30. By the time John Lennon was my age, he’d already had 27 #1 hit records and the Beatles had just broken up. Orson Welles co-wrote, directed and starred in one of the most critically acclaimed movies of all time, Citizen Kane. I’ve published a few poems in student journals and co-written and performed in a hit Fringe play that was torn apart by some of the critics but beloved by the fans.

By the age of 30, Dr. Ludwig Zamenhof of Warsaw had invented a whole new language called Esperanto and Niels Bohr had published his revolutionary theory about the atom. I’m lucky if I can string 500 words together every week in English, my mother tongue.

Before turning 30, cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin explored new frontiers as the first person in space and Charles Lindbergh became the first person to fly solo across the Atlantic. In the past decade, I became the person in my extended family that lives furthest away from home, and I’ve done my fair share of exploring myself. I’ve been the most-traveled person in the room from time to time, and I hope to see more exotic locales in my next few decades, eventually satisfying my goal of setting foot in all the continents.

While I may not be a billionaire, like Bill Gates, the first person to ever attain this status by the age of 30, I have a relatively comfortable life that affords me many pleasures. Sure, I may not be able to persuade bankers to lend me $80 million dollars to buy a hotel like Donald Trump did before the age of 30, but I have convinced my credit card company to raise my limit way beyond my means.

According to Glamour magazine, by the time she is 30, every woman should have a piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family. I don’t even have single piece of furniture that didn’t come from the street or a Craigslist ad.  She should own a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra. My tool collection consists of one of those screwdrivers with interchangeable heads, which I’ve somehow misplaced all of, a hammer with a bottle opener on the other end and a bunch of nuts and bolts for long-since gone Ikea furniture. And personally, I always found a red sequined triangle bra & G-string did more than black lace.

By 30, every woman should live alone, which they qualify with “even if you don’t like to”. Not only do I know how to live alone, I revel in it. Being self-sufficient is a skill that I honed in my 20s, one that I highly recommend. Other important skills I acquired in my 20s include rolling a decent joint, pulling a perfect pint, solving the entire New York Times Sunday Crossword and making homemade macaroni and cheese that will make you weak in the knees.

Sure, turning 30 may be a little bit scary but I wouldn’t trade it all in to turn 20 again.

 

Photo Credit: http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/p/keep-calm-jess-is-turning-30-4/

CultureSexThe Morning After

The issue of HIV-status disclosure has been a hot topic recently in Canada. Yesterday, 31-year old Steven Boone of Ottawa was charged with three counts attempted murder and aggravated sexual assault after not disclosing his status to his sexual partners before having unprotected sex. Two charges were ultimately dismissed, while more have since been filed in Ottawa and Waterloo.

The case first became news in 2010 when Boone’s picture was released to the media after a then-17-year-old came forward and he tested positive after having had unprotected sex with Boone several times. Several other victims came forward, and more charges were filed. During the trial, the Crown brought forth transcripts of online chats where Boone lied about his status and sought out HIV-negative men to have sex with, leading to the higher charge of attempted murder.

AIDS activists worry that the criminalization of non-disclosure will cause people who might be infected to remain in the dark about their status. “This just sends a terrible message. Why would you want to know if you could be criminalized, if you could end up in prison for the rest of your life?” asked Dr. Mark Tyndall, who testified as an expert during Boone’s trial.

Boone’s conviction comes only a month after the Supreme Court ruled that people are not required to disclose their HIV status if the “realistic possibility of transmission is negated”, which in this case refers to a low viral load and proper condom use.

This is an update to the landmark 1998 decision that established that failure to disclose one’s status combined with failure to use protection constitutes “significant risk of harm”, and could result in a charge of aggravated sexual assault. The maximum penalty for aggravated sexual assault in Canada is life in jail, although no one has received the maximum sentence so far.

The Canadian Aids Society spoke out about last month’s ruling, calling it unjust and “a major step backwards for public health and human rights”.

They point out that the arbitrary notion of “significant risk” blatantly ignores scientific evidence that is even more apparent now than the original ruling in 1998. They are worried that people who exercise responsibility and take the proper precautions could still be prosecuted under the new law.

“People living with HIV need more health and social supports; they don’t need the constant threat of criminal accusations and possible imprisonment hanging over their heads. Similarly, people not living with HIV need to be empowered to accept responsibility for their own health, and not proceed under a false sense of security that the criminal law will protect them from infection,” they wrote in a media release.

Intentional transmission of HIV can also lead to criminal prosecution in the United States as well as most European nations. By contrast, in the areas of the developing world where rates of HIV and AIDS are more widespread, there are no laws regarding knowingly infecting someone with the virus.

 

Photo credit: File photo, Abbotsford Times

CultureSexThe Morning After

Ever since I can remember, Halloween has always been my favorite holiday, as it combines two of my all-time favorite things: dressing up and candy! When I was really young and before my brother and sister were in the picture, I always dressed up and went trick-or-treating with my dad in home-sewn costumes that had to be big enough to fit over my snowsuit. Growing up in Saskatchewan, I can’t remember a single Halloween where there wasn’t at least a foot of snow on the ground.

We made quite the dynamic duo – him dressed as Sylvester the cat and me as Tweety Bird, or him as a big, grinning red devil and me as a smiling little angel, garland halo and all. My personal favorite was the year he glued white cotton balls to his blue-painted face to be the Papa Smurf to my gleefully giddy Baby Smurf.

It wasn’t until I got a little older that I noticed my costume choices were less about playing dressing up and more about dressing in as little as possible as I succumbed to the pressure of the increasingly shorter and sluttier Halloween costumes of my peers. Whether in a white cropped tuxedo jacket and tails as Playboy Bunny in my first year of university or this year’s Austin Powers inspired, fuchsia marabou-breasted Fembot get-up, I’ve enjoyed the exaggerated versions of femininity that Halloween allows me to try on for a night.

sexy indian costumeAnd while sexy costumes and Halloween seem to go together like too much candy and a bellyache, it made me wonder when and under what circumstances this trend began. As early as the 10th century, the Celts celebrated the end of the harvest with a festival called Samhain, which was halfway between the autumn solstice and the winter equinox. During this time, they believed that the souls of the dead became restless and re-enter the world of the living. The Celts would don costumes and masks as an attempt to confuse or ward-off these wandering spirits.

The anonymity of the mask definitely played its part in the development of the sexy costume, as evident in the masquerade balls that were among the social calendar highlights of the 18th and 19th centuries. Just like today, it was easy for Victorians to eschew their personal morals and ideals while donning the dress of another, at least for an evening or two.

“Respectable women would wear pantaloons or short skirts and milkmaid outfits when they went to costume parties. At the masquerade parties in London, you had costumes with a degree of body exposure. You also had artists’ balls–in Paris especially–where you had revealing costumes and some nudity.” says Valerie Steele, director of the Museum at FIT.

The birth of the contemporary incarnation of the slutty Halloween costumes naturally seems to be in that glorious decade of sexual liberation, the 1970s. It was then that a more raunchy and racy version of Halloween was liberated it from church basements and community centers and thrust into nightclubs and the streets, such as in New York’s famously scandalous Halloween Parade. Of course, this was also the decade that we were treated to the deliciously deviant Tim Curry in a skin-tight, sparkly corset in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, inspiring millions of trashy Halloween costumes for decades to come.

And as cheap, plastic costumes from overseas became more easily available to the point where you can’t even walk into a Pharmaprix or Dollarama without seeing at least two aisles full of glittery masks, synthetic-looking wigs, brightly colored makeup, or eerie accessories in the weeks preceding Halloween, women’s choice became skimpier and skimpier, mirroring the trends in fashion of the time, a slippery slope that we have descended into a world where sexy baby costumes exist.

While there are certain looks that should never be given the sexy Halloween treatment, the like the Sesame Street characters coming under so much scrutiny this season, it definitely is fun to put on a ridiculous outfit and the personality that comes with it, especially for people who don’t get to engage in this act as often as I do in all my burlesque glory.

There is also a growing movement of women who fight against this trend of slutty costumes in an attempt to take back Halloween . They suggest dressing as one of your favorite female historical figures, goddesses or feminist icons, proving there are other options for women beyond just sexy.