This is how I will start my first erotic paperback novel:
Sucking a British guy’s cock with my finger exactly where he requested it, leaning him up against the old lesbian bar that I once performed in. Oh the irony.
Maybe it was when I was literally pissing on the steps of a church and wiping hot man magma off of my cheek that I realized this whole thing was happening.
He asked me what my sexuality was, I said bisexual and he called me greedy. What percent? I replied 60/40, but maybe that’s not accurate. I think I’m really right smack dab in the middle on the Kinsey scale.
We proceed to my favorite gay bar, one of a small few left in my city. Everyone knows my name and I get celebrity treatment on arrival. Bought him a round to be hospitable. Ran into a girl that once told me she would like to know what I sounded like when I came.
Don’t you wish you had a dick so you can have a tit wank? He says to her. Asshole.
Shots and double drinks galore.
I’m a bartender, I wear a Betsy Johnson bottle opener necklace that’s shaped like a key. When they ask me if it’s the key to my heart I say yes and open the bottle right between my boobs. The more you drink the better I look.
Weird to be that slutty American girl. I flirted instantly but thought nothing of his charm. He grabbed my phone and added himself to my social media. Which is ideal because I had already forgotten his name.
I noted the other people who were following him. All probably girls he has fucked. That’s his way to notch the bed post. Never in my life would I think a dude like this would be throwing himself at me. He was extremely forward, which was refreshing.
He showed me a photo of his beautiful girlfriend. I said she was a lot of forehead. What a dick.
I stopped at the blowjob. Maybe I should have ravaged him but my heart just wasn’t into it. My problem with these certain one night stands is the lack of passion. I require tingles in my guts. I’m worth all of it and will never settle or make a mistake when the timing isn’t right.
I mean this man was a beautiful and charming asshole. Brazenly confident but still too much a pussy to sing karaoke.
He sort of mocked this one guy’s version of Bon Jovi, I didn’t respect that. It was very Simon Cowell. Someone is out there singing and bearing their soul. You don’t have the right to judge if you are too afraid to do it yourself. Yea the man sounded terrible but fuck it he was happy! We all were happy.
You can really tell if someone is worth your time if they are willing to put something out there and embrace embarrassing moments.
I love karaoke. I remember the first time I ever sang was Big Girls Don’t Cry at my dad’s work picnic. I used to go to Roxy’s karaoke and make out with my friend the whole time, we would always sing Sweet Dreams.
The only thing worse than Creed is someone singing Creed karaoke and trying to sound like the guy from Creed. The only thing worse than that is when they sing Nickleback and sound like the guy from Creed. I don’t know if I can stomach another Wagon Wheel cover either.
Fun fact KJ is what they call a karaoke DJ, that’s funny to me. Serious Karaoke people are a different breed man.
After karaoke I took him to the diviest dive bar in Buffalo.
Everything I wanted right? I’ve said no to so many one night stands and yes to a select few. He told me he was clean and told me about his world travels in his thick accent. I want to go to Greece and party. Video of his time as a fire breathing pool boy at a luxury hotel in Greece. Sounds magical. Meh.
My recent Sexcapades are few and far between. I made out with a traveling musician. He drank too much whiskey and I had to downright no means no him. It got weird. Another guy was laying it on thick, beautiful black man with well manicured natural dreadlocks. Still meh.
It’s hard for me to commit to even one night when my heart is not there. I am too passionate for my own good and know my worth. I feel like I need to branch out and do a lot more wandering.
Talking to this guy made me want to travel even more. The wander lust. The lust lust. Wanting to find dirty wonderfulness in someone else’s city. Go to some other city’s best worst dive bar. I want to sing karaoke in a new place. Wouldn’t that just be swell?
