attraction

CultureSex

There are some things in life that we have absolutely no say in. Attraction is one of these things. That instant electricity, your future life with this person flashes before your eyes, a wave of unconscious lust takes over, and suddenly every love song reminds you of them.

Love is madness! You want to push them against a wall and kiss their face, run your fingers through their hair, hold them tight to your quivering body, and tell them that any insecurity is moot because they are perfect in your eyes.

You are that 13-year-old girl who has her room plastered in Jonathan Taylor Thomas posters and he is standing right in front of you. However, nothing comes out, fear and inertia sets in, you are paralyzed, and become a completely useless human puddle of dumb.

No matter how hard you want to confess your true feelings, sometimes it just doesn’t happen. You then get friend-zoned. You are privileged to stories about their current fling. You think to yourself “Why would he ever chose that obnoxious girl with the stupid bangs and IQ of a potato over me?” Well, maybe because she wasn’t a pussy like you and asked.

Imagine being in their wedding, the feeling of utter despair when you walk down someone else’s aisle toward a man that once occupied your dreams. Sounds like the plot of a terrible romantic comedy. Often a great friendship is more important and long lasting than a passionate romance anyway.

It’s the New Year, social media really sticks it to those of us who are single this holiday season. Did you get your magical midnight kiss? I sure didn’t. Now more then ever I notice all of the engagement and pregnancy announcements, happy people doing happy things. Barf.

I once dated a boy for several years and had to end it, crushing him. I am not relationship material, as soon as I am “in a relationship” (in the Facebook official sense) I feel trapped. He wanted 2.5 children, a house in the suburbs, white picket fence, mini van with the little stick figure family on the back, and a dog.

He married the next girl that he dated. I do not ever need to get married, however it would be kind of nice to know that someone would want to marry lil’ ol’ me.

I will never ever understand why same sex marriage has ever been debated (much like when bi-racial marriage was still illegal). Love is love god damnit! Who people love and fuck is their own business, as long as it is between consenting adults.

Nobody has the right to censor your soul and tell you that your biological attraction to another human is wrong. These folks are just so caught up in their own righteous morality that they miss the entire point. Every love is as unique as the person who is doing the loving, no situation is ever the same, no rules apply to emotion, passion is blind, and there is no cookie cutter for a perfect life.

Can you imagine being with the same person for the rest of your life? That idea is so weighted. In sickness and health, to know that another person wants you to be in their life, to nurture and grow with them, and start a family.

I couldn’t imagine having children, that concept blows my mind! I am 100% in love with my cats, my free spirited lifestyle, and total insanity.

I am a feminist who doesn’t need anyone to complete me. Great job or great person, incredible in bed or an incredible artist, fantastic cook or fantastic at cuddling: if there was a checklist of what I need in a mate I am sure that it would be impossible to check them all.

Monogamy? I am an ethical slut that often ponders the idea of being polyamorous (someone in multiple romantic relationships), not saying I want to 20 sister wives (that’s polygamy), but many people grab my interest.

What would my mother think? We are programmed to want only one person. Promiscuity heightens your chances of contracting STDs and heartbreak.

Yet, the human soul has a great capacity for love. A multiple party or open relationship where everyone is safe, honest, consensual, open, and on the same page is beautiful. It is again another facet of possibility that should not be ruled out because societal standards say its taboo. Always be true to yourself and do what makes you happy!

CultureSex

It’s been nearly 80 years since Dorothy Parker summed it up for bespectacled ladies everywhere with her astute quip, “men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses”. While eye wear fashion has evolved aesthetically since the Great Depression, the sentiment surrounding wearing them, particularly for women, remains as archaic as ever.

I never felt as attractive wearing my glasses as I did without them. The day I got my first pair of contacts at age 16 was one of the happiest of my teenage years. I would even get up early in the morning, completely antithetical to my nature, to struggle to putt them in before school. In fact, vanity was one of my major motivators when it came to laser eye surgery, which I underwent last week. It was an enticing preposition: total liberation from glasses and contacts if you can withstand a 3 minute procedure tantamount to psychological torture.

If I was going on a first date with someone, I wouldn’t think twice about putting my contacts in. I’d do it before I picked out an outfit. I might even break out new ones for the occasion so that my eyes weren’t itchy and flushed red. I usually waited until at least the third date to wear my glasses, and then it was only to bookend the day, late at night and early in the morning.

glasses cum shotThis isn’t to say that all men are turned off by a woman with glasses. Most porn sites have a category for glasses boasting an assortment of bespectacled ladies. When I investigated these sections, I spotted a few trends. What I found most refreshing was that many of the subjects simply seemed like ordinary women who happened to be wearing glasses, or in some cases, dangling them from their pouty lips. It’s nice to know the “geek chic” look is alive and well in the porn industry.

There were quite a few photos that took the glasses fetish a step further. Some of the women were wearing exaggerated schoolgirl-inspired looks, complete with oversized black plastic glasses, as if to emphasize that “young girl playing dress up” look. And it almost goes without saying that there were several pictures featuring glasses streaked with globs of white cum. That’s actually a smart idea for a facial, shielding your eyes from a direct squirt.

So what is it about wearing glasses that can either attract or repel a prospective partner? For one, glasses generally connote erudite intelligence, a predilection towards big words and books. While I’m definitely the kind of woman who isn’t afraid to flaunt her intelligence, I’m a walking oxymoron as I still wouldn’t be caught dead wearing my ugly old glasses on the first date, although I wouldn’t be disappointed if my date showed up wearing glasses. I find that they make a man look refined and mature.

As much as it pains me to admit it, we live in a society where men are still intimidated by smart women. As feminist critic Maureen Dowd noted in the New York Times, “the aroma of male power is an aphrodisiac for women, but the perfume of female power is a turnoff for men. It took women a few decades to realize that everything they were doing to advance themselves in the boardroom could be sabotaging their chances in the bedroom, that evolution was lagging behind equality.”

She cites a 2005 study conducted by researchers at four British universities that found that for every 16-point increase in IQ for men, their marriage prospects rise by 35%, compared with a 40% drop for women over a similar IQ increase.

glasses tina feyIt’s interesting to consider how online dating fits into all of this. One aspect of online dating that attracted me most, especially as a writer, is how much words truly matter. You can ascertain a great deal from a person by their style of writing and the level of attention they pay to spelling and grammar. For me, the initial attraction online is all about intellect and wit; being your most charming self after 3 glasses of wine and a half hour on thesaurus.com.

It’s estimated that up to three-quarters of the population require some type of vision correction, with about 10% of those people opting for contact lenses.  After scanning through a number of OK Cupid profiles, I saw only a handful of females sporting spectacles in their profile pictures, far less than what the statistics would suggest. While it’s nice to see high-profile women like Tina Fey re-appropriating the sexy librarian look, it seems like we still have a ways to go before glasses give us the same feelings of attractiveness as going without.