consent

AdviceCultureLaw

It’s the holidays and that means food, family, and tons more ways to get into trouble. I’m here to help.

This article is going to be a guide on how to get through the holidays with the least amount of damage to your life, property, and freedom. For the purposes of this article, the laws mentioned will pertain primarily to Montreal. Check online for your city’s particular rules and regulations.

Let’s start with fires

Between cooking accidents, overloaded sockets, and highly flammable wrapping paper, the risk of fires is higher around the holiday season. There is also the matter of fireplaces, which I will tackle first.

In the City of Montreal it is no longer legal to use fireplaces and other solid-fuel-burning devices. Those who wanted to keep using their fireplaces had until October 1, 2018 to have them modified to conform to certain environmental standards. Those who have not and still use their fireplaces in the City face stiff fines.

Now let’s tackle the kinds of fires that could happen and what to do about them. It should go without saying that you should keep your smoke alarms on and with fresh batteries. It should also go without saying that if a fire is particularly large you’re better off calling 911. If it’s something you think you can handle, here’s how.

Grease fire

This is the kind of fire that generally happens on the stove when oil gets too hot. The quickest and best way to put out such a fire is to smother it. That means covering the pot or pan with a lid or other pot big enough to cut off the fire’s oxygen supply, making it die out.

Electrical fire

Electrical fires are common during the holidays due to overloaded sockets and powerbars. If there’s an electrical fire, turn off the device and unplug it, then smother the fire with a blanket or use a Type C fire extinguisher.

DO NOT USE WATER TO PUT OUT GREASE OR ELECTRICAL FIRES. Water conducts electricity, thus putting you at risk of an electrical shock. Using water to put out a grease fire can cause the oil to splash, thus spreading the fire.

When to use water?

Trash fires.

If it’s your Christmas tree that caught fire, determine the nature of the fire and go from there. The bigger the fire, the better off you are calling 911.

Once the fire is out, open as many windows as you can to get the smoke out and turn on a fan to help it along if you have one.

Now let’s talk about alcohol

Family time will undoubtedly lead to an increase in alcohol consumption so to reduce the risk of deaths on the road, we need to talk about Canada’s drunk driving laws.

As it stands the legal blood alcohol limit is eighty milligrams of alcohol in every hundred milliliters of blood. Driving with a blood alcohol level over this limit is a criminal offence.

The government recently updated its drunk driving laws and they are now stricter than ever.

Under the new law the police can demand a breathalyzer test from anyone they pull over (the fact that this will likely exacerbate racial profiling by the police is another can of worms altogether). Those who refuse to take the breathalyzer test can be charged with impaired driving.

In addition, the Bolus defense – a defense by which you can raise a reasonable doubt as to whether you were driving impaired by arguing that you had just consumed the alcohol and therefore had not absorbed it enough to be impaired – is no longer a viable defense in drunk driving cases.

Refusing to take a breathalyzer test comes with a fine of two thousand dollars for a first offense. A first offense for driving over the legal limit comes with fines ranging from a thousand to twenty-five hundred dollars depending on how high your blood alcohol concentration was above the legal limit. Subsequent offenses lead to automatic jail time.

That said, drink responsibly. If you’re drunk, sleep at a friend’s house, get a lift, or take a taxi or Uber. If you insist on going home that night, call Operation Red Nose at 514-256-2510. They’ll send a volunteer to drive you home. If you’re a woman, best to take a cab or Uber with someone you know given the risk of sexual assaults by drivers and how little the police have taken them seriously in the past.

Speaking of sexual assault…

It’s time to talk about consent

Between the booze, the Mistletoe, and New Year’s Eve, the risk of sexual assault is high, so here’s a reminder of how consent works – though I find it utterly tragic that I need to keep issuing these reminders.

Consent is defined as the voluntary agreement to engage in the sexual activity in question.

Consent can be withdrawn at any time. That means that if – for example – your partner wants to stop and you keep going regardless, the sexual encounter is no longer consensual and becomes sexual assault.

There is no consent if the person is too young, too drunk, or unconscious. If the person is consenting to something drunk that they wouldn’t have consented to sober, they are probably in no position to consent. If you have any doubts, DON’T do it.

You’re not only fucking someone over physically and psychologically, you risk bringing in the New Year with a charge of sexual assault.

Last but not least, if you feel compelled to use fireworks on New Year’s Eve, do so responsibly. Every New Year’s Day reports storm in of people blowing their fingers off and setting fires because they didn’t know how to use the pyrotechnics they bought for the occasion. Check your city’s by-laws on fireworks use, read and follow the instructions on all the fireworks you buy, and don’t light anything while impaired.

Happy Holidays Everyone! Play Safe!

* Featured Image by Joe Buckingham via WikiMedia Commons

AdviceCultureLaw

New Year’s Eve is coming and with it, parties, booze, and tragedies caused by idiots who cannot accept that they are too drunk to drive and jerks who willfully ignore the rules of consent. For those of you planning to party on New Year’s Eve, I’ve provided a short but concise list of legal tips to help start the year off without anybody getting hurt.

If you are drunk, do not drive.

This should go without saying as it’s not only the law, it’s common sense. If you’re caught for drunk driving and are lucky you’ll just get a fine and the suspension of your driver’s license. If unlucky, drunk driving charges can result in a jail term ranging from four months to life in prison.

When in doubt, don’t do it.

The legal definition of drunk has nothing to do with how you feel. It is an arbitrary standard: if you have more than eighty milligrams of alcohol in your system for every hundred milliliters of blood, you are considered above the legal limit.

You may feel perfectly fine and sober but that does not matter if a breathalyzer indicates that you are above this limit. The golden rule to follow on New Year’s Eve or any other time is: when in doubt, don’t drive. Sleep over, get a lift, or call a cab or Operation Nez Rouge to get home safe.

You’ll save lives, including your own.

Drunken consent is not legally consent.

Rapes happen all the time, and in environments where booze is free flowing, there is always that scum bag who says the victim agreed to sex even though said victim was very drunk at the time of the attack. If a person is drunk they are in no shape to consent to sexual activity. They are incapable of consenting to sexual activity because their ability to freely give consent was affected by the alcohol. If a person is in no shape to drive, they are in no condition to agree to sex with you, so do the noble, legal thing and don’t have sex with them.

If a person is unconscious, they cannot consent.

The inevitable result of too much drinking and partying is often a loss of consciousness. If a person is passed out, this is not an invitation to touch, grope, or spoon with them. If a person is too drunk to say “no” to whatever it is you want to do with them, they are also too drunk to say “yes”.

Their passivity does not equal consent. The legal definition of sexual assault is sexual touching without consent, so if a person is unconscious, keep your hands to yourself.

When in doubt, check in.

A lot of people find the idea of double-checking for consent an unsexy mood-killer. You know what’s really unsexy? Sexual assault and the ten or more years in prison you get if convicted.

When in doubt, check with the person you’re with to make sure they’re consenting freely to all of what you are doing together. Check often if you have to. It’s better than violating your partner and will keep you out of trouble.

Remember that fireworks are dangerous and cities usually have rules about where you can set them off.

New Year’s Eve can be a blast and to celebrate you may want to set off some fireworks. Do your homework first.

Fireworks are extremely dangerous and every New Year’s Day the news is filled with horror stories of people who blew their fingers off and burned their houses down. Remember that at the end of the day, fireworks are basically just explosives and are just as dangerous.

Read the instructions on the package, do not use them when drunk and be sure use them far from buildings and facing away from people. You should also call the city or check out your municipal website to make sure there are no bylaws in place forbidding the use of fireworks within city limits.

In Montreal it is forbidden to use fireworks, bottle rockets, or other pyrotechnics without authorization from the city. Failure to obey the laws could result in hefty fines and if there is property damage or people get hurt, you could also be looking at jail time.

The perk of adulthood is that we can welcome the New Year the way it was meant to be welcome: with a glass of something boozy and a kiss at midnight. Unfortunately it’s also one of the most dangerous nights to be out celebrating.

Let’s start this year off right by making sure our world is a little safer.

HAPPY 2018 EVERYBODY!

CultureLawNews

It is appalling that in 2017 we still need to have a conversation about sexual consent.

In April 2017, Alexandra Brodsky published an article in the Columbia Journal of Gender and Law titled RAPE ADJACENT: Imagining Legal Responses to Nonconsensual Condom Removal. It brought to light the sinister practice of men taking off condoms without their partners’ consent (the slang term for it being “stealthing”). This practice does not exclusively affect women having sex with men, as gay men have also been victimized.

This article is not going to dignify the practice by calling it by its slang term as doing so trivializes a violation of a person’s right to bodily integrity and self-determination. It is not going to address the personal failings of those – usually MRAs – who advocate for or practice non-consensual condom removal, though it is HIGHLY tempting to do so.

This article IS going to revisit the notion of consent and discuss the practice of nonconsensual condom removal and the potential legal ramifications of it under Canadian criminal and civil law. This article will limit discussions to nonconsensual condom removal as I covered the topic of consent in detail in December 2015 and thus far those laws remain unchanged.

Consent is not transferable

By law, consent is the voluntary agreement to engage in sexual activity. Without consent, sexual activity becomes sexual assault.

It is widely recognized that consent for one sexual act does not constitute blanket consent for any and all others. Consenting to vaginal sex does not mean, for example, that you also consent to anal sex. In the context of nonconsensual condom removal, agreeing to have sex with a condom does not mean you consent to have sex without one.

There is no consent if a person, having consented to sexual activity, “expresses, by words or conduct, a lack of agreement to continue to engage in the activity”. That means that a person has every right to stop things at any time, and continuing despite their reluctance constitutes sexual assault. This is notion is important as nonconsensual condom removal often happens right before re-penetration. That means that the guy in question will pull out, take the condom off, and then re-penetrate their partner.

If the victim catches the person doing this and demands a stop to the activity and the person persists, that person crosses the line between consensual sexual activity and sexual assault.

As Brodsky points out, most victims of nonconsensual condom removal only realized the condom removal at the moment of re-penetration, when their partner ejaculated, or because their partner told them the next morning.

Intent is important

When Brodsky interviewed victims of nonconsensual condom removal, what was telling was the behavior of their partners afterward. According to the article, the men were dismissive, and often refused to help pay for emergency contraception or STI testing even though pregnancy and STIs are potential consequences of not using a condom. In her research Brodsky went online anonymously to look at what proponents of nonconsensual condom removal had to say about it.

The motivation for the practice stems in part from the desire for increased physical pleasure, but what’s more problematic was that it also stems from the thrill of degrading their sex partner and their belief in men’s inherent right to violence and to spread their seed.

All of this is extremely important in the context of mens rea for determining guilt for sexual assault.

Most crimes in Canada have two aspects, actus reus – meaning the act of the crime itself, and mens rea- the ‘guilty mind’ referring to the knowledge, recklessness, or negligence of the perpetrator engaging in the crime.

In Canadian Criminal law, the mens rea required for sexual assault cases is whether the perpetrator knowingly, recklessly, or negligently engaged in the sexual activity without the victim’s consent. One could argue that the dismissive attitude of a man engaging in this practice towards his victim combined with online expressions of his belief in his right to remove the condom for whatever reason and his taking glory in the degradation of his partner by violating their consent would provide the needed mens rea.

If Canadian Criminal law will not recognize nonconsensual condom removal as sexual assault, there is always civil law.

The Quebec Civil Code recognizes the inviolability and integrity of every person. It also recognizes that every person has “a duty to abide by the rules of conduct incumbent on him, according to the circumstances, usage, or law, so as not to cause injury to another” and that should a person endowed with reason cause injury to another – be it bodily, moral, or material – that person is bound to make reparation for it.

Bodily injury in Quebec Civil Law refers to damages to your physical body, material injury refers to damages to your property, and moral refers to psychological damages. While not an ideal remedy for the violation of bodily autonomy and fear of unwanted pregnancies and STIs, a victim of nonconsensual condom removal could sue on one or all three of these grounds.

Any STIs or unwanted pregnancies that ensue could be argued as bodily injury, loss of a job to deal with the fallout, physical or mental, of the violation could be grounds for a demand for material damages, and the psychological impact of the violation could be cause for moral damages.

Birth control rebuttal

In response to recent discussions about nonconsensual condom removal, there have been lots of people claiming that if this practice is illegal, it should also be a crime to lie about being on the birth control pill. People claim laws are unfair to men given that in March 2017, an Ontario court ruled against a man who sued a woman who lied about being on birth control prior to them having sex. She got pregnant and he sued for psychological damages.

While there is no disputing the immorality of lying about being on birth control, there are some fundamental differences between lying about being on the pill and nonconsensual condom removal.

First, there is no online cult of women working to deceive men about being on birth control due to a belief in some inherent right the way there is one of men who feel entitled to spread their seed regardless of the wishes of their partner. It should also be noted that birth control sabotage is not performed primarily by women desperate for a baby, but by abusive male partners looking to make a woman more dependent on him.

Second, lying about the pill does not put the man at risk of STIs the way removing a condom without consent puts the victims at risk.

Brodsky points out the third when she discusses the danger of legally enforcing demands for full reproductive transparency, which is that it puts vulnerable people at risk, such as those who cannot take birth control for health reasons but are stuck with partners who demand sex but will not use condoms.

It should also be noted that the reason why the Ontario courts ruled against the man in the aforementioned case is because it was judged primarily on family law grounds. In Ontario, family law cases are assessed in ways to benefit children and not favor one parent over another.

His case was dismissed primarily for the sake of the child that resulted from the woman’s deception, but also because it became clear that the plaintiff’s issue was not the sex, but the ensuing unwanted parenthood and potential financial obligations connected to it. Given that, a better equivalent for this case would be that of a man who lied about being sterile or having had a vasectomy in order to have consensual sex without a condom which resulted in a pregnancy.

In cases of nonconsensual condom removal, the victims only agreed to a specific sex act, one with a condom. The removal of the condom nullified their consent, and the willful violation of that consent is just that, a violation.

* Featured image: Women’s Health

AdviceCulture

Is hugging just plain weird? Hugs not drugs. Free hugs. Cheek to cheek bodies entangled. A pat, a brief squeeze, or a firm grip. There is something incredibly magical about the transfer of energy between two people. The touching of bodies in a warm embrace, a gesture of kindness and love.

But there can be a dark side to hugging. You can trigger all kinds of stuff by thinking you are just innocently hugging someone. It is no different than rape. The key is consent, making sure that the person you are about to hug wants to be hugged.

Personal space is always to be cherished and respected. You cannot assume anything about anyone, you don’t know if someone was abused or just doesn’t like to be touched.

Someone you normally hug may not want the hug this time. Do you ever have days where you just don’t feel like being social? There have been times I have felt obligated to hug someone because they wanted it. I wouldn’t just sleep with someone because I know they wanted it! Hugging should be no different.

I am calling myself out on being an offender of taking away other’s freedom with my free hugs. I have hugged someone and immediately regretted it. I have been a hug rapist. I have also been guilty of lingering too long, making the hug uncomfortable by accident.

If someone is pulling away let them. Do not be too aggressive or squeeze the life out of someone. Don’t force yourself onto anyone, ever.
 It really is a personal thing, so yea, I think it is weird to hug someone when you first meet them, even if you are being introduced by someone you both know and hug. A hug goodbye on a first meeting may be appropriate with proper consent of course. A hug hello can be amazing between say two people who haven’t seen each other in awhile. Running toward each other at the airport. The hug is obviously wanted by both parties, they yearn for it. When they finally collide in a rush of squeeze it is beautiful. This is the hug people dream about later.

Human contact is so important. We feed off of each other. A good hug with consent is like no other feeling in the world. You can literally feel the energy merge.

 

I feel the need to offer a hug to people I love when they are sad. Putting a sobbing human into yourself is intense, you take in all of their negative energy and try so hard to rub off your positivity into them. Comforting another human is a raw and pure basic instinct.

I find myself taking on a maternal role with some of my younger friends sometimes. I am fairly certain that I am never going to have children, so I don’t mind sharing my energy with others, hugging the world that wants to be hugged.

Children often are the victims of unwanted hugs. I remember being hugged by a lot of adults. It was confusing because I knew I was not supposed to talk to grown ups, you know stranger danger, be aware. Then I would meet family friends or whatever and they would go in for the hug immediately. Red flag bro! I don’t even know you! Why would you put a kid in that situation. It will cause a lifelong fear of intimacy.

A lot of people do not like hugs. Never assume someone wants it. Always ask, even if body language suggests otherwise. If they say no offer a handshake, fist bump, or a wave. Don’t ever just “Oh we are friends” and go for it, if you do that you are not a good friend.

The double cheek kiss is an odd greeting to me too. Nobody has time for a cheek full of someone else’s lipstick traces, but that’s for a different blog.

Just remember, consent, consent, consent! Oh, and I hate when people go in for the hug when I am just done performing and still topless. No bad touch. Be considerate and respectful to others at all times. “May I hug you?” See that’s easy!

CultureLaw

The holidays are finally over.

It started for most of us with a nerve-racking family dinner and ended with a New Year’s Eve party where we drank away the stress of having to spend too much time with our relatives. Many of us spent the eve of the New Year drunk and partying and it’s likely that at least a third of us engaged in some kind of behavior that night that we now regret. Most of this is not blackmail-worthy, but in a world where lives are ruined by crimes like revenge porn, it’s important to know what laws are in place to protect us.

Revenge porn is the publication of explicit images, videos, or films of a person without consent in a situation where the victim would have a reasonable expectation of privacy. Though revenge porn at its root is used to cause the victim distress, it’s often redistributed by some porn sites for commercial gain.

Fortunately, Canadian law is on it and has been working to tackle this crime.

Before 2014 the people in Canada who distributed intimate photos or videos of others without their consent could only be charged under the Criminal Code’s provisions on voyeurism, extortion, obscene publications, criminal harassment, defamatory libel, and in some cases child pornography. Unfortunately these laws have very specific requirements to get an indictment and conviction.

For example, extortion requires that the intimate material be used as a threat to force the victim to do something. Criminal harassment requires that the conduct make the victim fear for their safety or the safety of a loved one.

Sometimes charging people under these offenses worked, and sometimes it did not.

The people who drove Rehtaeh Parsons, a Halifax teen, to suicide in 2013 were charged with the distribution of child pornography. Parsons hung herself after photos of her being sexually assaulted by four boys circulated through her school resulting in texts and Facebook messages calling her a slut and soliciting her for sex.

Though none of the boys who assaulted her were charged with rape due to insufficient evidence, two of her attackers who filmed her later pled guilty to child pornography charges and were put on probation. Many agree this is hardly a sufficient punishment for people who drove an innocent young woman to her death.

Fortunately in 2014 the Canadian Criminal Code was amended to include article 162.1 regarding the unlawful publication of intimate images without consent.

It defines intimate images as a photo, film, or video where the victim is nude, exposing their genitalia, anal region, or breasts or is engaged in explicit sexual activity in circumstances where a person would have a reasonable expectation of privacy. A trip to the bathroom to use the toilet or shower is an obvious example of circumstances where most people would have a reasonable expectation of privacy.

The new law says that everyone “who knowingly publishes, distributes, transmits, sells, makes available or advertises an intimate image of a person knowing that the person depicted in the image did not give their consent to that conduct, or being reckless as to whether or not that person gave their consent to that conduct, is guilty.”

That means that it doesn’t matter whether the person transmitting the image or video intended to cause the victim harm. All the crime requires is that the person knowingly made the material available and they either knew or were aware of the possibility that the image or video was taken without the victim’s consent and distributed it anyway.

Those guilty of this offense are looking at a maximum prison term of five years. Or if they get a summary conviction, a maximum of six months in jail and/or a two thousand dollar fine.

The law limits the kinds of defenses one can use against such a charge. The motives of the accused are considered irrelevant. The only way to get out of a charge under this law is to either prove you didn’t do it, or prove that your conduct somehow served the public good but did not go beyond the minimum required to do so.

This defense was clearly added to the law to protect journalists and investigators in the execution of their professions. A journalist who snaps and distributes a photo of a politician with a sex worker when the politician is anti-prostitution could find himself charged under this act, but could conceivably argue that his actions were for the good of the public and not excessive.

If criminal charges are not laid in the face of the distribution of a person’s intimate images, in Quebec you can always sue the distributor.

The Quebec Civil Code (“the Code”) guarantees the individual right to privacy and protects people from invasions of their privacy without their consent.

As per the Code, the following are particularly considered invasions of privacy:

  • Entering your home and taking something
  • Intentionally intercepting or using your private communications
  • Appropriating and using your voice or image while you are in a private place
  • Keeping your private life under observation by any means
  • Using your name, image, likeness, or voice for any purpose other than the “legitimate information of the public”
  • Using your correspondence, manuscripts, or personal documents

If your privacy is violated in this way resulting in physical, material, or psychological damages, you can sue the perpetrator. The catch is that lawsuits are costly and invasive and it would mean going public with the extent of the violation you experienced.

The laws in Canada regarding revenge porn and privacy are not perfect, but they’re there. In 2017, let’s protect ourselves and keep the scum of society in check.

NewsSex

So you like to grab women by the pussy eh? Well isn’t that just lovely. Why don’t you try asking nicely? Only if the beautiful owner of said pussy gives you consent you can caress it, love it, worship it, get down on your knees and pray to it with your tongue, put your whole being into make it purrrr. If you give a pussy ample notice and respect it will not fight you but it will welcome your tenderness.

mypussyTouch it, slowly, then quickly, then rub, tug, lick, motorboat, butterfly kiss and repeat until a gentle gushing stream showers you from between her spread eagle vulnerability. Never ever just GRAB someone, let alone grab them forcefully in their most sensitive zone.

We live in a culture where rape seems to be glorified and not extinguished. Rapists suffer no consequence and sex offenders have a voice. Pussy grabbers are not in the shadows, but on the big screen, running for president, flapping their ignorance to the masses.

My pussy will bite your fingers right off! Vagina dentata is a toothed vagina. There are folkloric legends that talk about a woman’s sweet zone that is full of sharp, finger/appendage eating teeth. Sexual intercourse with said vagina will result in severe injury, or castration for the man involved.

The tale shows up in many cultures and is meant to deter rape culture. Huh, maybe we should teach this in sex ed? Do we need to tell boys that all vaginas have retractable teeth that come out when violated? Will that finally stop rape?

Fear of castration will cause a man to think about his choices. That pussy will gnaw your fat fingers and stupid little one eyed chode right off if you don’t look out sonny. You will never see the teeth if you do not provoke them. I have to go to a dentist and a gynecologist to keep my pussy healthy.

In order to make a woman ready and safe for intercourse the hero must literally pull teeth. She must be nonthreatening, safe for insertion, safe for to receive the man.

Freud says that young men experience an unconscious fear of castration upon seeing female genitalia. Some of the most vicious stories of toothed vaginas come from India, in which the ferocious sexual appetites of lovely young women must be tamed through the violent breaking of the teeth hidden inside of their lady parts.

ovarian-dermoid-cystOne explanation is a rare medical condition affecting the vagina. More than likely a vaginal dermoid cyst, which can be very toothlike and sharp.

The movie Teeth was an incredible tale of a girl with vagina dentata. She bit off an attempted rapists genitals with her vagina and it was a beautiful sentiment.

Women should not have to have killer pussies to ward off criminals. We should not have to wear chastity belts to take away temptation. We do not exist for your pleasure. We do not exist to be disrespected and violated at any time.

Strong women with power over their bodies is not emasculating, it is empowering for all bodies, all humans are in charge of their bodies.

tentaclefingersFor real though. I just want to say one thing, if you are going to stick your fingers inside of someone please, PLEASE, cut yo damn nails! There is nothing more uncomfortable and non-sexy about getting fingered by someone with janky long nails.

I have been severely damaged by people with no common sense and funky sharp nails. Ouch! The memory makes my lips cringe.

If I had vagina dentata my vag would still not want to bite your nails for you, trim them, clean them, file them, ask yourself, are these fingers good enough to worship and pleasure a goddess with?

You notice, proper lesbians never have long nails, always groomed, short, filed, awee yea. It’s always the stupid cocky men who don’t think to trim their fingertips before going for the pink loveliness.

Another thing that really pisses me off is when they just try to stick the whole hand up there right away. Like WHOA BUDDY! Simmer down there, cowboy. Again, nice and easy, one thing at a time.

There is nothing sexy or pleasurable about being dry fisted. Things can tear. What are you thinking? I’m not looking to do some strange reverse birth right now. How would you like it if I shoved my hand up your butt like that?

Lessons learned today: Consent is everything, keep your hands to yourself or your fingers will be bit off, respect all humans, and for the love of goddess CUT YOUR NAILS before recklessly shoving them in.

AdviceCulture

I have never been good at saying NO. I am a people pleaser, I want everyone to be happy and will do whatever I can to help that process. Sometimes you can give everything and not save any of that kindness or care for your own damn self. I have deserted myself, left my own needs and wants to die at the door step. I need to be in a committed relationship with myself, putting my wants and needs first, taking care of myself before I give it all away for free.

No is one of the first words babies can understand. Displaying that you are dissatisfied and do not like something is incredibly important. We all need to respect each others’ boundaries.

Being overtly sexual in text or whisper is something that gets under my skin. I usually have this problem with people I have already slept with who are trying to tap dat ass again. Your dick pic does not turn me on. I am not vicious, I am honest. I will never put myself in an uncomfortable situation ever again.

These gems of human dialogue were both said to me by two different people during the same night: “Baby I jerk off to the thought of your beautiful mouth around my cock.” NO! Then later “Someday the right guy will come along and everything will be ok.” FUCK NO!

If one more person tells me how dirty I am or how good of a mother I would be I will flip out. I’ve said NO to many things, I will not work in an office for something unethical, I will not eat meat, I will not get on a scale, and I will not ever be a cookie cutter female.

Even a soft no resonates, if I have to give you a HARD NO that’s bullshit, the first sign that I am not into it you back off buster. I literally had to get in this guy’s face and repeat myself for him to then eventually respectfully understand, but it shouldn’t have ever gotten to that point.

I did know and like him, I have been with him before and it was superb, I just wasn’t in the mood that particular night. I was too drunk, too tired, had to work in the morning. I should not have had to explain myself. A simple no is all you need. You cannot convince someone to change their mind. Consent is respect and anything else is rape.

When I am interested in someone I move slow. I look at their body language, and *shock* their actual language. Yes, “No” is a word. If she says she is tired, let her sleep, if his eyes are wandering I let them wander, who am I to control anyone? Just because I am horny doesn’t mean that you feel the same.

Girls Just Want to Be Safe (and Have Fun too)
Girls Just Want to Be Safe (and Have Fun too)

I have felt one sided love too many times. It sucks to hear NO and have to walk away. But, I’ve done it, and I have walked away when not wanted. There will be a moment when I confess my love and the other person says YES, but I am not banking on it, and I will not alter my life to find it.

I am not very hard to please, I will go along with most things, but as of recently I am making myself loud and clear about not doing things that I don’t want to do. I have turned down people that I once yearned for because I suddenly awoke to their true colors.

There is too much beauty to be held down or back by dumb motherfuckers who expect the world (and my pussy) handed to them on a golden platter. I am a strong and powerful creature who cannot be swayed. With this power you must help others who still feel weak. Help others when their “NO” isn’t being heard, we need to stand up for each other, check in if you see someone in distress.

I was once driving down the street and saw a girl running away and getting screamed at by a man, I stopped and asked her if she needed my help, told her she could get in the car, that I was a safe space. She said she was fine, he does this all the time, and that she was in no danger. WHAT? Clearly whatever he is trying to do to you is making you physically run away from him.

Never be that woman, never let some strange misguided love make abuse OK, ABUSE IS NOT OK! Ever! Nothing I said would get this woman in my car, nothing I could do would make her respect herself and stop the cycle. She probably has a child with him, thinks she is trapped, nobody else will love her. WRONG!

My best friend left an abusive relationship and is now married to the love of her life, a beautiful and kind man, she has a child and so did he, now they are having another to complete their family. There is always somebody else. An abuser is not a lover, if they hurt you GO, no matter how hard it feels reach out and you will have support.

Say yes to the good things in life, say yes to the people who you want to say yes to. Say yes to positive experiences and new adventures. Be happy and spread happiness and kindness to all the others you meet. We live in a world where women have to fight off sexual advances and assault on the regular.

I don’t go a day without a cat call or unsolicited yuck. Fuck that yuck. Empower yourself and others by staying strong to your convictions. Teach others to hold their heads up high and not be swayed by anything but their own hearts and minds.

CultureLawNews

New Year’s Eve approaches and with it lots of drunken merriment. There will be hangovers the next day, and many people waking up next to those they would never have slept with sober.

This is why the days before the partying are a great time to talk about the C word…

CONSENT.

For many, the notion of consent is a mood killer, something only overly polite sissies ask about prior to having sex. Though the words “are you SURE” can seem like the ultimate buzzkill, engaging in any form of sex when you have doubts about a person’s willingness can get you in serious trouble.

Sexual assault is a serious crime.

If you are convicted of sexual assault, you’re looking at a sentence of up to 10 years in prison, and that number increases if the victim was under the age of 16 or you used a weapon to commit the crime.

The definition of sexual assault is a simple one: it’s an assault that’s sexual in nature. Assault as per the Criminal Code is any intentional application of force to another person without their consent. If you touch or engage in any kind of sexual activity with someone without their permission, you are committing sexual assault.

Consent is defined by law as “the voluntary agreement of the complainant to engage in the sexual activity in question.”

There is no consent if someone other than the victim gave consent i.e. “her father said I could.”

There is no consent if the person is incapable of consenting, either because the person is too young, or unconscious, or too drunk.

There is no consent if you abuse a position of trust, power, or authority in order to get sexual favors from a person i.e. “fuck me or you’re fired.”

There is no consent if the person expresses a lack of consent to engage in the sexual activity. That means “no means no,” but by law that “no” can be by words or conduct. That means that the person doesn’t have to say it. If the person struggles, fights, cries, screams, and/or begs you to stop and you keep going, you are committing a sexual assault.

There is no consent if the person, having consented to sexual activity, “expresses, by words or conduct, a lack of agreement to continue to engage in the activity”. That means that a person has a right to stop things at any time, and continuing despite their reluctance constitutes a sexual assault.

This list is non-exhaustive, but the defenses one can use when facing a sexual assault charge are.

You can argue that you didn’t do it.

You can argue that the person consented to sex.

You can argue that even though you now recognize that the person didn’t really consent, you had an honest but mistaken belief that the person did consent.

You can’t claim you believed the person consented if you were too drunk to tell one way or the other, and you can’t have blindly and recklessly assumed the person would agree to the sexual activity.

If, for example, the person is screaming “stop” and the tone is clearly one of discomfort, you can’t recklessly assume that the person is being coy or playing hard to get or trying to egg you on. If you keep going while recklessly or deliberately ignoring every indication that the person doesn’t want to have sex or continue it, then you’re committing sexual assault.

Passivity on the part of your partner doesn’t necessarily equal consent. People are passive during sex for a lot of reasons including fear.

For those who claim women “cry rape” when they did in fact consent to sex, it should be noted that sexual assault carries a HUGE stigma even if you are the victim. People who come forward risk alienating their friends, families, and communities, and have their names dragged through the mud and their sexual histories often exposed for all to see. This is not to say that crying rape doesn’t happen. It IS to say that it’s RARE and the majority of sexual assaults aren’t reported.

This New Year’s Eve or any other time you might be in circumstances where sex or any kind of sexual activity is possible, use your common sense.

Drunken consent is NOT consent.

Passivity is NOT consent.

Silence doesn’t necessarily mean consent.

Getting someone drunk or drugged in order to get their consent and then having sex with them is sexual assault.

Just because a man is hard doesn’t mean he’s consenting to sex.

An unconscious person can’t consent to sexual activity.

If you have ANY doubts as to a person’s willingness, don’t be afraid to ask. You’re not being a sissy, you’re obeying the law, and making sure someone is willing is sexy as hell.

Sex

It is naïve to think that sex education class is the only way kids are learning about sex. I remember the first time I found a PlayBoy magazine, It was the August 1992 edition and I found it in around 1997. Flipping through the pages of fake breasts and tans, hairless pre-pubescent looking vaginas and early photoshopped perfection, I was not impressed. I had also seen some crazy 80s porn with huge bush at my best friend’s house. It was nothing compared to the dirty, filthy, slutty things I made my Barbies do. Sex slaves, lesbian 69 action, and so much more. My best friend and I were sick and twisted kids to say the least.

It was when I found a Hustler, maybe a year later in a different spot, that made me go: JACKPOT! The art of tasteful bush and PENETRATION! greased up bodies with strange lighting and snakes and all the accoutrements needed to make my libido realize it existed. The peen was in the vageen. Aye carumba! My heart raced a million miles an hour. This was the magazine that would live between my mattress and box spring for eternity.

PICTURES
Me and Tiffany, my sick and twisted BFF right around the age we discovered porn.

 

Technology survives based on how well it adapts to porn. Early photos and paintings were all porn. Irving Klaws made tons of money sending smut (Betty Page and early bondage) to businessmen. You bet that the first films ever made were based on sex. People like watching other people fuck, it’s a proven fact. VHS survived over Betamax because of porn. The Internet (which spell check now makes me capitalize, didn’t realize the “internet” was a person) is built on porn. I remember using my AOL dial up in the middle of the night to attempt to watch porn, it was so much better than the fuzzy Skin-o Max softcore movies (like Bleu Nuit with worse picture for my Montreal readers) but still a challenge. HBO’s Real Sex also changed my life. I will never ever forget the Pony Play episode! Or watching the lonely women take turns having sex with a realistic sex doll. It was funny to watch them hoist him into a rolling computer chair to move him into the other room. I just recently acquired the VHS version of these shows and am excited to take a walk down memory lane.

I guess what I am getting at here is some of the most influential reading and viewing material on my youth was in fact pornography. It was taboo, it was slightly scary, and it was everything I wanted. The mind of a child is growing and learning so rapidly. I can’t imagine how connected to porn kids are these days. It’s everywhere. Every ad is explicit. Kids, this Generation XXX as it were, have tablets and phones that are smarter than their parents. I get sick thinking about these same kids and selfies gone wrong.

Much of my art (both on the stage and visual) deals with the exploitation and exploration of the human body. During the 2014 Montreal and Buffalo Infringement Festivals I displayed my series of mixed media collages called “Kitty Porn.” Kitty porn is exactly what it sounds like, I took a hardcore porn magazine and a Cat Fancy magazine and collaged the cat heads on to the porn bodies. The outcome is hilarious. It is a comment on the two most exploited and shared things on the INTERNET (I am going to capitalize ALL of the letters now just to prove a point): Cats and Porn. Porn and Cats, and Cats and Porn. I soon realized that the cats in the magazines were making the same strained faces as the barely legal women in the porn magazines. It was an alarming epiphany.

kittysex
“Kitty Porn”

 

I was almost late to work today because of porn – it is so easy when you can just pull it up on your phone reaaaally quick. Access to all of the nastiest fetishes are at the click of a button. Hardcore Bisexual Strapon Femdom MMFF BBW DP ATM BDSM Cosplay porn would probably be my flavor of choice. Some good old fashion Gay Barback Twink and Bear orgies are also pretty hot – you can’t fake a giant cock in the ass. The moans and groans that can shatter glass bursting through your speakers. Don’t even get me started on furries. I often thought about doing feeder web cam porn, just letting people watch me eat stuff while they jerk off in the privacy of their own home or office.

I really enjoy the terrible plot lines of early porn flicks – Think “Log Jammin’” from The Big Lebowski. At least they were trying to make it interesting, LOL. We have gone a long way from the “Deep Throat” and “Debbie Does Dallas” days of pornography. Smut has to be wild and crazy. Nobody cares about doggie style, regular old “hardcore” is passat, girl on girl? Ha! so 1992. People want pain. They want cum shot compilations. They want gang bangs. They want it now, and fast, and again, again, and harder next time, more pain, more stretching and gaping, and younger, bigger, smaller, louder, sweeter, more covered in cum, humiliated and even more barely legal than before. It’s exhausting.

That’s why I like classic burlesque, leaves a little to the imagination. Old pinups are lovelier than any current porn star, or stripper straddling a beer bottle. Labioplasty should not be a thing. Young women should not be so destroyed from rough sex that they need reconstructive surgery. There is something to be said for innocence and intrigue. Innocence has been stripped from the youth for years, and its only getting worse. We need to bring back positive and safe displays of sexuality. Girls should never have to think that they need to do filthy porno things to be happy. We need to empower the youth and show them that sex is beautiful, kink can be healthy, consent is everything, and there is no one type of sex.

News

Despite the start of another academic year still being months away, The Centre for Gender Advocacy is already looking towards the fall, continuing to mount a campaign to get mandatory consent workshops in Concordia University residences. The campaign includes an online petition with over 200 signatures calling for support of the workshops.

The campaign seeks to bring education about issues of consent to students residing in Concordia University residences, a number which will be growing this year with the expansion of the University’s residence system.

Julie Michaud, Administrative Coordinator at The Centre explained to Forget the Box that a similar system has already been implemented at McGill for the past ten years through Rez Project – something that she views as all the more reason to follow suit at Concordia.

However, the University’s Director of Residences has asked the Centre to take down the online petition, and telling the Centre that it would be unfeasible to hold such mandatory workshops.

Michaud pointed to the fact that the Centre had met in the past with the Director of Residence Life, as well as managers of residences to discuss the issue of mandatory consent workshops, and the response was relatively closed.

“They offered for us to come in and give one workshop – well one workshop will let maybe 20 students out of several hundred get this information, which isn’t practical. They gave us reasons we thought that weren’t very convincing about why it would be impossible to have mandatory consent workshops.”

“We did receive a call a few weeks after we put up the petition and the Director of Residence Life asked us to take it down, saying he thought it wasn’t a very good way to start the conversation, but as I said we had conversations with them and reiterated that he had given us his reasons

Michaud continued that she believes the lack of support stems from a “lack of vision and a lack of understanding for what a substantial issue this is for them to just shut down the conversation. At McGill there are far more residence, at Concordia there are less than a thousand, even with the planned expansion for next fall. ThI just don’t buy that idea that it isn’t possible or too much of a logistical challenge to make this happen.

“I think we can work through ways to really prioritize this, all of these new students coming into University and residence life usually having no decent sex or consent education in high school.”

“We need to take concrete steps to ensure that people are being respectful of one another, because residence isn’t just an apartment building, the Director of Residence Life isn’t just a landlord, residence is really a community.”

While the Centre has run optional consent workshops before, Michaud highlighted that making the workshops mandatory means that those who may not believe they need to care about issues of consent, are also receiving lessons on sexual assault and consent.

“Most survivors of sexual assualt know the person who is assaulting them, might even be in a relationship with them, it happens in all different locations, women of colour are often greater targets of sexual assault than white women. So there are a lot of issues that need to be unpacked and people need to have their conceptions of what sexual assault is broadened.

“People also need to learn what it means to support survivors because I think people also have this idea that sexual assault happens to people we don’t know […] the truth is though that around 1 in 4 students, and in my opinion that is actually a low estimate […], experience some kind of sexual assault throughout the course of their post-secondary education.

“So we have to face it, we all know someone who has faced sexual assault whether we realize it or not. And we have to learn how to be supportive, how to not reinforce the common victim blaming ideas that is so pervasive in our society.”