Lately they’re everywhere! From the moans coming off the T.V. show playing in your living room to flash mobs of the undead crawling down the streets of your city to the insatiable hordes tearing each other to pieces outside the plate glass windows of Walmart on Black Friday, Zombies are definitely invading.

Just a few months ago the Canadian parliament discussed the possibility of an imminent zombie epidemic. Pat Martin of the NDP stood on the floor of the house of commons and asked why emergency groups in Quebec were staging exercises. “I would like to salute today the CDC and the government of Quebec and the Center for Disease control [for] putting in place  measures to deal with the possibility of an invasion of zombies. I don’t need to tell you, Mr. Speaker, that a zombie invasion could easily turn into a  a continent wide pandemic,” he said. To which the foreign affairs minister replied “Canada will never become a safe have for zombies ever!”

I mean c’mon, zombies aren’t real…Right? Okay, so they found a fungus out there that is known to take over and eventually kill ants by sending spikes through their bodies. But that doesn’t mean anything. Right?


Nonetheless, I figure if I want to learn how to protect myself against Zombies in an apocalyptic situation then knowing how to escape a horde invading my apartment is really pertinent information. I’ll just type “zombie” here in the Google search bar and see what I come up with:

The Zed Word Blog

Not my personal favorite Zombie blog but for some reason it comes up on the first page for any walking dead search…so in terms of having excellent search engine optimization, they’ve obviously got it going on. They put a humorous twist on a terrifying subject and exploit the paranoia of living in constant fear of an impeding Zombie apocalypse.

The national geographic/ Zombie Fungus

Disaster or Blackout Emergency SuppliesRemember those ants I told you about about earlier? Well, here is a fascinating post from National Geographic that will turn your opinion of mother nature from nurturer to some kind of sick mad scientist.

Center for Disease Control/Zombie Outbreak

How do you get people’s attention about a topic they don’t really care about? You tell them to imagine they’re trying to survive a zombie apocalypse. The Center for Disease Control did just that. It turns out that preparing for a zombie apocalypse is similar to protecting yourself in an state of emergency.

Have an emergency kit in your house. This includes things like water, food, and other supplies to get you through the first couple of days before you can locate a zombie-free refugee camp.

Cracked/6 Sensible Things you Should Never Do in a Zombie Outbreak

Cracked shows that being sensible and logical might not be the correct thing to do during a zombie apocalypse. Sometimes being too nice might mean your downfall. the coming apocalypse, after all, is where the mad men reign.

Blog of the Dead

Prepared to be tested on your zombie knowledge. Blog of the dead is a fascinating little site that will train your mind to mentally prepare for the day of the returning dead.

What sets blog of the dead apart from other blog sites is the necessities poll; it’s really interesting reading what other people think is the most necessary thing for survival.

This blog also delves into the philosophical issues that zombie culture has in society. I also found this funny dinosaur comic that explains it all:



Zombie Research Society

Sometimes, you have really important issues on your mind. Like whether a hatchet is better than a blow torch when having to confront zombies on a daily basis. Knowing how to use weaponry might be the difference of you having steak or becoming a steak.

The Zombie research society confronts the important post-apocalyptic issues that you will have to face, without the insidious optimistic  illusions about your hope for survival. The bleak pessimism of this site is refreshing.


Now that Movember is coming to an end, it’s time to recap all the really interesting and off beat blogs about what happens when men attempt to grow out their facial hair.

Today’s Blog on Blog is here to cut through the many sites dedicated to those who know what to do, those that don’t, and those who make growing a mustache a very strange experience.

Some, after raising money for charity organization that focus on men’s diseases, like prostate cancer and mental health, will go back to shaving above the lip, while others might keep their ‘staches to shield their mouth from the cold months ahead.

Although this prospect might seem appealing, it can only be beneficial if you really know what your are doing. For the many men who don’t know what to do with their facial hair there are plenty of sites dedicated to future mustachios who just wanna learn how to groom or find out what will best suit them.

What can you say about a manly mustache, except it makes you feel like an elite private-eye on a undercover op. Well, maybe not everyone, but that depends if you can grow a “Tom Selleck” or not.  If I’ve learnt anything from movies it is if you want to impress and keep those ladies and have riches beyond belief, then you will need at least a pencil mustache.

Okay, well here is your complete guide to Movember blogs:

This site is a daily diary from various people on the subject of their facial hair – why not? Men, women, this site chronicles mustache growth without discriminating.

Art of Manliness/ 35 best Mustaches of all time

This is the list of the top 35 best mustaches of all time: they range from Tom Selleck’s famous “Magnus” to Frederick Nitzsche’s intense “Shanuzer.”


The Handlebarclub

Anyone can join the club…except apparently women, children and Justin Beiber. Why would you want to be a member of a club that would have you as a member? Well, because you have a wicked mustache, that’s why! The F.A.Q. is peppered with great question about the process of growing a proper handle bar mustache. And the group photos are hilarious to top it off.

Instructables/How to grow and maintain a manly mustache
Here’s a step by step guide on how to grow and keep your mustache looking sane and stylish. This blog is one of the best guides for novice mustache growers.

Parks and Recreation/ Ron’s Mustache

When you think of manly there is only one man who really stands out on television these days and that’s the charcter Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman). Let him guide you through your movemeber, because the man knows how to grow one!

Fuck Yeah Mustaches/ Tumblr

Come one, come all! Watch the feats of strengh mustache competition. A collection of anomalous facial hair.

The Mustache Blog

Keep updated on the state of people’s facial hair and how far they’ve grown so far this season. It is Movember so there are more members then ever before.



The Score/Hockey’s Greatest Mustaches
There are some wicked staches out there in the hockey world. And although some of these players might not have been the best players to play the game, many wore the best hockey staches of all time.

Ever since I can remember, Halloween has always been my favorite holiday, as it combines two of my all-time favorite things: dressing up and candy! When I was really young and before my brother and sister were in the picture, I always dressed up and went trick-or-treating with my dad in home-sewn costumes that had to be big enough to fit over my snowsuit. Growing up in Saskatchewan, I can’t remember a single Halloween where there wasn’t at least a foot of snow on the ground.

We made quite the dynamic duo – him dressed as Sylvester the cat and me as Tweety Bird, or him as a big, grinning red devil and me as a smiling little angel, garland halo and all. My personal favorite was the year he glued white cotton balls to his blue-painted face to be the Papa Smurf to my gleefully giddy Baby Smurf.

It wasn’t until I got a little older that I noticed my costume choices were less about playing dressing up and more about dressing in as little as possible as I succumbed to the pressure of the increasingly shorter and sluttier Halloween costumes of my peers. Whether in a white cropped tuxedo jacket and tails as Playboy Bunny in my first year of university or this year’s Austin Powers inspired, fuchsia marabou-breasted Fembot get-up, I’ve enjoyed the exaggerated versions of femininity that Halloween allows me to try on for a night.

sexy indian costumeAnd while sexy costumes and Halloween seem to go together like too much candy and a bellyache, it made me wonder when and under what circumstances this trend began. As early as the 10th century, the Celts celebrated the end of the harvest with a festival called Samhain, which was halfway between the autumn solstice and the winter equinox. During this time, they believed that the souls of the dead became restless and re-enter the world of the living. The Celts would don costumes and masks as an attempt to confuse or ward-off these wandering spirits.

The anonymity of the mask definitely played its part in the development of the sexy costume, as evident in the masquerade balls that were among the social calendar highlights of the 18th and 19th centuries. Just like today, it was easy for Victorians to eschew their personal morals and ideals while donning the dress of another, at least for an evening or two.

“Respectable women would wear pantaloons or short skirts and milkmaid outfits when they went to costume parties. At the masquerade parties in London, you had costumes with a degree of body exposure. You also had artists’ balls–in Paris especially–where you had revealing costumes and some nudity.” says Valerie Steele, director of the Museum at FIT.

The birth of the contemporary incarnation of the slutty Halloween costumes naturally seems to be in that glorious decade of sexual liberation, the 1970s. It was then that a more raunchy and racy version of Halloween was liberated it from church basements and community centers and thrust into nightclubs and the streets, such as in New York’s famously scandalous Halloween Parade. Of course, this was also the decade that we were treated to the deliciously deviant Tim Curry in a skin-tight, sparkly corset in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, inspiring millions of trashy Halloween costumes for decades to come.

And as cheap, plastic costumes from overseas became more easily available to the point where you can’t even walk into a Pharmaprix or Dollarama without seeing at least two aisles full of glittery masks, synthetic-looking wigs, brightly colored makeup, or eerie accessories in the weeks preceding Halloween, women’s choice became skimpier and skimpier, mirroring the trends in fashion of the time, a slippery slope that we have descended into a world where sexy baby costumes exist.

While there are certain looks that should never be given the sexy Halloween treatment, the like the Sesame Street characters coming under so much scrutiny this season, it definitely is fun to put on a ridiculous outfit and the personality that comes with it, especially for people who don’t get to engage in this act as often as I do in all my burlesque glory.

There is also a growing movement of women who fight against this trend of slutty costumes in an attempt to take back Halloween . They suggest dressing as one of your favorite female historical figures, goddesses or feminist icons, proving there are other options for women beyond just sexy.

It’s 11:16 on Saturday night, and I’m at my computer, in the dark, with a glass of scotch. Before you start to feel bad for me, let me take a moment to explain that this statement isn’t as piteous as it appears on the surface.

You see, I don’t need to go out on the weekend. Thanks to social media advances I’ve evolved beyond going to bars and house parties. Who needs all that aggravation? Getting yourself done up, plucking those couple stray orifice hairs, planning where and when to meet whom, arranging rides. No thank you, ma’am! Nope, I’ve got my bottle of scotch, I’ve got my cigarettes, and, most importantly, I’ve got the twin titans of online social interaction, Facebook and Twitter.

Again, you may be thinking that this is all quite pathetic, wouldn’t I rather be at a party somewhere? That’s the thing. Being a celebrated man-about-town, I‘m aware of many events I could be attending. But, at most, I could attend maybe two of them for any significant amount of time, three, four tops if I wanted to whirlwind it. But, with my online method, I’m attending ALL of the parties. The ubiquity of social media in our lives and our smart phones has created an unprecedented party aggregator. My friends’ constant status updates, tweets, and photo posts ensure that my finger is on the pulse of everything going on tonight.

For example: Right now, I know that Sandy is having a real heck of a time with this drunk slut at the bar. Now, even without actually being there, I can offer Sandy some words of support and encouragement with a few comments on that status. “C’mon, Sandy, just slap the bitch!!” I don’t need to be spending upwards of $80 just being at the bar to help my girl out. Steve just tweeted this outrageous joke about Marty being passed out on the couch already. I @ replied a sweet comeback and it’s already been favorited like three times! I bet tomorrow when everyone is hung over and checking their notifications, they’ll see all the comments I posted on their photos and be like, “man, that guy’s the life of the party!” Oh, there’s also no lineup for the washroom at my party, and the only time I’ve ever gotten a black eye was that one time when I did a few too many Jag bombs and fell into my coffee table. This one time, I got 19 likes on a joke I made on an event page!

I bet you’re all sold on my new style of rockin’ the weekend, but many of you are probably wondering about one thing. If you don’t go out, how will you ever hook up? Come on. Anyone with even a cursory understanding of what the Internet is knows you can find anything on here. ANYTHING. I could buy a girl six $7 drinks at a bar and maybe get a quick parking lot hand job, or I could just log into one of the many video chat sites I frequent and the sky is the limit.

Is it easy maintaining this hard partying mega-lifestyle? Not always. Once my friend Jake unfriended me because of a comment I made on one of his girlfriend’s photos. But that doesn’t really matter, because I still see him in all the photos our mutual friends post. He’s in a lot of them. Bit of a show-off, if you ask me. But I maintain my popularity quite well, thank you. I mean, I have over TWO HUNDRED Facebook friends. I think the numbers speak for themselves. Oh, and you can’t beat the music. I’m the DJ all night. And, let’s face it, even the best pro DJ in town can’t throw down an all-Halen/Crüe mix like I can. Here, let me break down the track list for you — oh, hang on, it’ll have to wait ‘til another time, it looks like a pretty lady friend is having a hard time dealing with some creep. Time for me to work my magic.

For more of Johnny Scott’s adventures with life, follow @hottyjohnscotty.

*Photo courtesy of Johnny Scott himself.