Why do people always think I’m a fucking Dominatrix?

Not saying it’s a bad thing, I know a few people who are in the scene and make a living dominating people of all classes, ages, genders and kinks. They are very passionate and professional, I am in no way discrediting or mocking this lifestyle, I know it is real and beautiful to so many people.

I recently found out that a very close friend of mine is a dominatrix and she told me in detail about her giving her first golden shower, and that’s not even the strangest thing she’s done. There are a lot people out there who can not get off from traditional sex and explore the kink scene as a way of further stimulation and release.

It is a scene that happily lies beneath the radar, and so many people hide their kinks due to work or family. I am not NOT into it, just not sure where my place is. I think BDSM is a beautiful and fascinating subculture that has and will forever exist, I am just not a current card carrying member of the lifestyle is all.

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I am definitely not a believer that all women are submissive and should bow down to men and be slaves to the kitchen and child rearing. Women historically have had to struggle through male dominance in all parts of life.

I enjoy when there is a power shift in the stereotypical sexual paradigm. The thigh high leather boot is on the other foot. I have been on the giving side of pegging and have watched a lot of cuckhold porn, but I have never identified as a dominatrix.

A steady stream of people have always reached out to me through dating websites, social media, and in real life about dominating them. So many, in fact, that it makes me think, huh, are they seeing something in me that I do not? Is there are a part of me I need to explore here? Do I have dom denial? Is this what I want?

Things like “ever want to have full control over a man, having him obey your every command?” Or a guy who messaged me on every dating site regularly for the last few years with this: “kneels and says hello beautiful mistress, may I kiss your boots?” Then every once in a while I will get the “please be my mistress, I will do literally anything!”

I have never once responded, and this has been YEARS. I wonder if by not responding I am giving him what he wants? Does he feel like my lack of interest is degrading him?

I just received this message on OKcupid and it astounded me: ” I’m a 21 year old international student and I am looking for a mistress who would love to dominate me. If you like the idea to dominate, degrade, humiliate, and make your slave, who would literally do anything, I am the best guy to do it. You can make me massage you with oil all over your body, or apply Nutella on all the parts of your body and make me lick it, or spank me, or anything else in the world. I really enjoy being a slave and am extremely passionate about it. I hope to get the opportunity to serve you beauty goddess. If you feel you are not the type of person to do this then I highly recommend trying it. From my experience girls with no experience really enjoy it and get addicted to it since its not necessarily about being dominant but more about getting exactly what you want and something like a tailor made option.” All I can imagine is a vagina full of Nutella.

Is it because I am self assured? Confident? An Amazon woman? Do I look mean? Maybe it’s the costumes?

I could not imagine degrading someone, making them lick the dirt from my shoe and piss on their face. I don’t know if I would laugh or want to give them a hug. My nature is to be sweet and gentle, but what if my lover wants me to inflict pain and say horrible shit? Do I go there?

Being a dominatrix can’t be easy. Its scary when a person puts their full trust in you, their life is in your hands, you have control, and that’s a big fucking responsibility. You have to fulfill someone’s deepest darkest sexual fantasy with safety, kindness, and compassion.

cat dom 2Even though the name of the game is degradation, you are doing it to ultimately give the other person pleasure. When I think about the best sexual experiences of my life, some of them have been initiated by me, but I don’t think that’s being dominant in the same fetishized way.

I often wonder what makes me seem like someone who would do the dominating and not the other way around. I honestly have always felt a little bit more submissive. I want someone to throw me up against the wall and tell me who’s boss, but it just doesn’t seem to happen for me.

This is especially true with all of the women I have ever been with. I was the one to initiate. I feel like with a women, especially a femme, I must be the protector, I must be the big spoon, the “top” in the relationship. It could just be because I am physically larger than most women.

Getting everything you want does sound mighty nice though. It’s better than never getting what you want. Sitting aside and watching someone else take away the person you want time and time again. Not knowing what to do or how to be more attractive or appealing.

I have always struggled with my own confidence, especially sexually. I feel like I find a person that I want, fuck them immediately, and never talk to them ever again OR I become friends and never anything more. There is no in between.

Fuck this life, time to break that cycle. I’m not even looking for a relationship. I want someone to care about me differently than they care about others. I won’t go as far as wanting to be worshipped but of course I want to be respected. Tell them what I want and get it.

I do look sexy in leather.