Few things have humankind dedicated more time and resources toward than the search for an effective hangover cure. It’s a testament to the complexity of the problem that after this long in the timeline of human development we still have not landed on something that really works. We’ve proven ourselves to be more than capable at creating stronger and more devastating hangovers, with inventions such as Jag bombs, beer bongs and family reunions, but the elimination of a bad hangover still eludes us.

But, while there is still no foreseeable cure, there are some actions that can be taken to relieve the symptoms. Clearly not drinking isn’t an option, so when you can’t resist the shimmering allure of that open bar at your cousin’s wedding or siren’s call of that bottle of navy rum hidden in the toilet tank at the office, here are a few tips that should help you minimize those next day aches and heaves.

First off, a huge part of what makes a hangover so uncomfortable is that all the alcohol you’ve consumed has caused your body a great deal of dehydration. So you’re going to want to drink a lot of water or Gatorade to take care of that. Make sure when you’re lying prostrate, trying not to move or hear any sounds that you have a ready source of water at hand. I’d recommend a hose, or at the very least tie a bucket to your cat and send her out to collect rain water.

Some people will tell you that the best way to get rid of a hangover is the old “hair of the dog that bit you” method of just starting to drink again. I can’t argue with the efficiency of this, but it’s a slippery slope. When does it end? I got really into this method a couple summers ago, thinking I would never have to deal with a hangover if I never let myself sober up. And, let me tell you, it works. But I figure I’m going to have to face sobriety sometime. I mean I haven’t had a hangover in two years, but I also used to have a job and a car and a home. And kids? I can‘t remember.

Anyway, those are the two solutions that come up the majority of the time you talk about hangover cures with most people. But I’ve got a couple more that I’ve discovered throughout my years that aren’t as well known and widely discussed.

Like adrenaline. Few things can blast the ill feelings of a night of hard drinking out of your system quite like it. But not just any adrenaline. Sure, bungee jumping or going for a ride on a roller coaster would offer some respite, masked robbery of a Red Lobster for some more beer money works satisfactorily too, but the real kind of adrenaline you need to crest that hill of nausea and shame comes from two and a half simple words. Auto-erotic asphyxiation.

Another really effective method is to be hit by lightning. This one isn’t as practical as auto-erotic asphyxiation, which really only needs a belt and a closet, because you need the co-operation of the skies themselves. But if you’re lucky enough to be caught in a thunderstorm during a hangover, climb a tree or stand in a field with something metal.

It’s important that it’s lightning, though, not just any electricity. Jamming a screwdriver into an outlet doesn’t have the same restorative power, and you’re likely to just make your headache worse. As an added bonus, one in every ten people who get struck by lightning develop powerful psychic powers. Or is it deep psychological issues? One of the two, I can’t remember. The good one, maybe. Only one way to find out, I guess.

Really, though, the only guaranteed way to beat a hangover is to not drink at all, and for a lot of people that would mean altering broader aspects of their lives. It’s difficult to be in certain situations and not drink heavily. Birthday parties, BBQs, orgies, concerts, parks, any kind of religious service, shopping, and bus rides longer than twenty minutes would all be next to impossible without the aid of enough alcohol to cause a hangover that could incapacitate a large elk.

Which is why there will always be need for good restorative tips. And I think you’re going to need one or two of these tips soon, if it took you even half the amount of liquor to get through reading this article as it did for me to get through writing it.


Photo by camknows via Flickr

CSS, the band best known for their bratty, don’t-give-a-fuck party attitude have changed a lot since they emerged from Brazil’s underground club scene nearly 10 years ago. Their fourth album Planta was released last month and is the first since a rift with founding band member Adriano Cintra.

Produced by TV On The Radio’s David Sitek, the album features collaborations with Rancid’s Tim Armstrong and Gossip’s Beth Ditto.

Forget The Box caught up with CSS lead singer Lovefoxxx to talk about their current album and maturing as a band.

FTB: It’s been about 10 years since the band started. What comes to mind when you think back to those days?

Lovefoxxx: I wouldn’t go back if I could. Just because being 19 is tough, you know? It’s complicated and you’re insecure and anxious. But we had lots of fun. It was like being in a dream, in a movie. Now this is our lives and we’ve gotten used to it. The changes aren’t as extreme anymore.

Let’s talk about your new album, Planta. It’s the first album since your bandmate Adriano Cintra left. How has the band dynamic changed since he’s been gone?

It changed a lot. It felt as if the band was new. Everything was a collaborative effort. It was a mix of our forces. So it was very refreshing. The focus was not on him; it was really about us.

What has changed in terms of writing music?

The writing process was different because we all used to live together. If someone would come up with a melody, we would immediately get together not to lose the idea. It was more of a jamming atmosphere. We all live in different parts of America now. We only live together during the writing [of the album].


Is there a reason you chose Planta as the title?

No. We came up with it when we were shooting the photo for the cover. There was a plant in the corner of the studio and [bandmate Carolina Parra] said why don’t we call it Planta, ‘plant’ in Portuguese? We had other ideas hanging around for a while but we love Planta.

The meaning of it has been growing since we decided to call it that. It’s really meant to represent this moment in our lives, how organic this album was and how, when we went to Los Angeles for the first time, we didn’t know what was going to happen.

Is there a unifying idea to the album?

On previous albums I would be really defending a certain idea. But on this album, I was really happy with the sound more than being stuck to something. Later we realized there was a lot about love and our friendships.

I think it’s a very optimistic and positive album. We really wanted it to work, we didn’t want any complications from what was happening in our personal lives. I think we accomplished that.

There are a few collaborations on this album with other artists. Tim Armstrong co-wrote ‘Hangover.’ How did you end up working together?

L.A. was a really great place to do this album. Everything came together when we were there. We didn’t have a real plan, we were just there to write. Tim Armstrong heard one of our albums and he liked it. With Dave [Sitek], it was sort of by luck as well. He saw us playing in London in 2011 and thought we were cool.

If you had the chance to collaborate with anyone, who would it be?

Missy Elliot. We love her. She’s a big influence. I’ve heard that she’s very private. She’s been hiding; she needs to come back. She’s a dream collaboration for sure.

Watch the video for Hangover: