While the naked female form has been celebrated in various forms of art throughout the centuries, it’s rarely featured in its entirety in the contemporary film landscape.

Breasts have become so commonplace in films that their presence doesn’t even garner an R-rating. In fact, baring the bosom has coincided with Oscar gold for the likes of Holly Hunter and Halle Barry. The full frontal female form is another story: a bare pubic area can get a film slapped with the unsavory NC-17 rating.

One of the tools directors use to combat this is the merkin, a pubic-area wig that dates back to the 1400s that covers the more explicit area of the vagina. Surprisingly, shaving of the pubic area was common back then too, not for fashion or aesthetic purposes like today, but to combat pubic lice. They were also favored by prostitutes for covering up signs of STIs like syphilis.

These varying degrees of onscreen female nudity are so enticing to some people that there’s a subscription-based website called Mr. Skin, where instances of nudity are located and rated. Name dropped in the Judd Apatow film Knocked Up, the website attracts millions of visitors monthly.

“It’s the greatest job in the world,” said Jim McBride, the company’s chief executive. “As a kid, I used to tape as many movies as I could with nudity and then I’d save the nude scenes on separate tapes. I really amazed my friends with my nudity knowledge growing up.”

I’m going to step into Mr Skin’s shoes and catalogue some of my favorite instances of female nudity on film, scenes that are revered for their brash and commonplace treatment of a controversial subject:

Sharon Stone – Basic Instinct

Quite possibly the most iconic flashing scene of all time, Sharon Stone never breaks eye contact as she brazenly uncrosses her legs and pauses for a moment before recrossing them during a tense interrogation scene with Michael Douglas. Even though the view is partially obscured by shadows, her confidence in revealing her cooch leaves a very distinct impression of a woman in charge of her own sexuality. I adore this timing and tone of scene so much I spoofed it in a play I was in last year called If Looks Can Kill…. They Will.

femalenudity-juliannemooreJulianne Moore – The Big Lebowski

She’s on here partly for the way she channels her primal nude energy into dude-repelling feminist art, but mostly for the way she says “vagina,” tossing it out there with such conviction. I must admit, I’d love to try splattering paint while strapped naked to a harness, flying 30 feet through the air, but I’d change the music to something less childbirth-y. No stranger to skin on the screen, Moore has also shown off her feisty firecrotch in Robert Altman’s Short Cuts and her heavy breathing skills during a sexy lesbian tryst with Amanda Seyfried in 2009’s Chloe.

Kate Winslet – The femalenudity-katewinsletReader

Winslet’s steamy sex scenes were enough to catch and capture the attention of the Academy, who had nominated her five times before finally handing her the statue for 2009’s The Reader. She plays Hanna Schmitz, a 36-year old woman who seduces and begins an affair with a 15-year old boy, only to cross paths with him years later when she’s on trial for Nazi war crimes.

Though we’re not treated to a full frontal shot, we get plenty of Winslet’s beautiful breasts and bare buttocks as well as a side flash of her nether regions. Since it’s a period piece from the 1950s, Winslet’s grooming had to match, although she revealed to Allure magazine that she had trouble achieving the unkempt bush: “Because of years of waxing, as all of us girls know, it doesn’t come back quite the way it used to. They even made me a merkin because they were so concerned that I might not be able to grow enough.”

femalenudity-elizabethperkinsElizabeth Berkley – Showgirls

What seedy movie about a stripper’s rise to Vegas showgirl could be complete without a bunch of gratuitous female nudity? Paul Verhoeven’s controversial 1995 film Showgirls was the first NC-17 film to be given wide release in mainstream theaters and distributors even had to hire extra staff to verify the ages of the filmgoers. While the film was ultimately a box office flop, it earned a tidy profit in home video sales from all those teenage boys who were banned from theatrical release. It features a predictable array of lap dances and sultry skinny-dipping by star Elizabeth Berkley, who shows off without anything on, on more than a few occasions.

Now that the long-forgotten snow has melted and flowers poke their brightly-colored blossoms out from the unfrozen ground, it’s time for all of us to come out of hibernation to peel off all those layers and head outside to play.

When it’s 30 below, we yearn for these when you can once head outside in a thin cotton dress with no other plan than to just walk around and absorb some vitamin D, hoping to spot a few bronzed shirtless boys kicking around a soccer ball in the park. Seriously, after making it through yet another winter, we’ve really earned this summer, so why not enjoy the benefits it can bring to many different aspects of our lives?

Relationships, like seasons, go through cycles. Inevitable ruts develop, and the longer they last, they harder they can be to break ou of. You wouldn’t eat the same meal every day, even if it is the most pleasing to your taste buds. Take advantage of the sultry swagger of summer by spicing things up in the sack.

1 Gonna Make You Sweat

Let’s face it; sweating during sex is inevitable, especially given the balmy humidity of midsummer in Montreal. Morning, noon or night, just walking around gets me covered in a layer of my own pheromone-laden dew… imagine the benefits it can provide during sex!

So close those windows, turn off that AC and turn the bedroom into an all-out sweat-fest. The heat will relax your muscles so you can try some of those crazy positions you’ve been plotting in your head.   Nerve’s got a great app for that.

2 Road Trippin’

Getting out of your element can be one of the best ways to invigorate your sex life. Take advantage of the sunny skies, open roads and beckoning call of adventure. Visit a new city you’ve always wanted to together, or spend the weekend camping in the woods. Sex under the stars can be an unforgettably romantic and erotic experience.

Plus, there’s always an opportunity for mischief in the car (or, for the exhibitionists in the bunch, the bus) on the way up. Take turns seeing who can get each other off before you pass the next rest stop… just make sure you’re on an open road and you don’t go too fast.

If you’re truly unable to get away, you can always kidnap your partner, crash a swanky hotel for the afternoon and pretend to be on vacation. The Hotel de la Montagne downtown has a magnificent rooftop pool where you can sip sangria and enjoy the view of the city.

3 Cool It Down

When things really start to sizzle between the sheets, cool it down a notch with a well-timed spritz from an icy cold spray bottle. Or, pop a bottle of lotion in fridge and give your partner a cool rub down from head to toe.

For the daring and slightly masochistic ladies, try a frozen banana, icicle dildo or putting a glass or steel one in the freezer. After your partner ravishes you with it, they can penetrate you and enjoy the contractions you’ll experience from the extreme temperature change.


Photo credit: http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/gallery/pool-sex/

It takes a lot to impress me with a sex scene in a movie, because sex is one of those things that isn’t exactly universally appealing. One person’s turn on is another’s revulsion. While the basic act in itself can be downright crude, it gets elevated by the connection you feel with your partner.

This authentic connection can be very tricky to capture and is almost impossible to fake, which makes really good on-screen sex stand out.

1 – MOST SALACIOUS: One of the first times I witnessed raw sexuality portrayed in film was Natural Born Killers. (I’d stay up late on Saturdays to watch the Drambuie Showcase Review, which screened the most licentious, violent, and deliciously racy R-rated films that my fifteen-year old self would have a hard time renting at the local Family Video.) It stars Woody Harellson and Juliette Lewis as  Mickey and Mallory Knox, a  young newly-wed couple on a mass murdering spree.

Here we had the bar boy from Cheers whom we all had a little crush on, and who would continue to hold my affections with his emphatic pro-marijuana politics. I came from a good family, and I’d still have considered running off on a wild streak with him too!

From the handie under the table in the prison visiting room, to the leering gaze in Mickey’s eyes as he stares at a half undressed young female hostage in the corner while fucking Mallory in a seedy motel room, these two exert pure lustful energy and undeniable chemistry.

2 – MOST TITILATING:   Another woman who’s not afraid to use her feminine wiles to turn a situation in her favour is the indelible Nancy Botwin, played by Mary-Louise Parker on the Showtime comedy Weeds. The single mom of two boys, she turns to dealing drugs after her breadwinner husband drops dead, relying on her charm and chuztpah to get her out of some sticky situations.

For example, when she goes above her drug dealer to get a bigger piece of the action, the Mexican drug lord she encounters throws her over his knee in the back of his limo and spanks her a good dozen times. Her ass cheek reddens beneath her black lace panties, and the look on her face afterwards is priceless – she’s clearly shocked, but definitely a little turned on…

Not to mention her fulfilling a pre-teen fantasy for a good many of us children of the 80s by having hot sex with Zach Morris (aka Mark Paul Gosselaar), who had a steamy guest appearance this season as a bartender Nancy seduces. Makes me want to drop in on more small town bars in the middle of the afternoon when I’ve got nothing else to do.

3 – MOST GRAPHIC: Oddly enough, the most graphic scene on this list involves no actual penetration or genetalia, because the participants are as neutered as Ken and Barbie dolls. Of course, I’m speaking of the infamous puppet sex scene in Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s Team America: World Police.

It starts off like so many amorous encounters: a tender moment at sunset between a woman and her secret crush. He makes false promises and reveals his vulnerability, and they tumble into bed together. What follows is nearly a minute of the raunchiest acts Parker could slip past the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA).

It runs the whole gamut of sex acts from 69, reverse cowgirl, rim job, and water sports, to the classic “shit on my face”. The MPAA rejected the first eight cuts of the scene in order to finally grant the R-rating, which really has me intrigued at what vile acts got left on the cutting-room floor.

4- MOST BRILLIANT: I’ve saved my personal favourite for last. This particular scene has all the elements: a killer soundtrack courtesy of Blondie, a sense of humour, and the hallowed full frontal shot, a relative rarity in mainstream cinema.

The film is Danny Boyle’s Trainspotting, another favourite of mine from adolescence. It follows the trials and tribulations of a group of junkies in Edinburgh, and features Ewan McGregor in one of his first starring roles as Mark Renton.

He follows the little bit crazy, little bit bad Diane home from a bar, where they engage in realistic, raw and downright sexy drunken one-night stand sex, a kind I would come to know and love.

Post-coitus Renton even likens it to some famous football goal he’d witnessed years before, some footage of which his buddy is watching at the exact same moment while attempting to find a tape of homemade porn showing him and his girlfriend…a tape that the sneaky bastard Renton himself had switched days earlier.

It’s directly after the coitus that Diane kicks Renton out of her bed, and lo and behold, a brief glimpse of Ewan’s beautiful light saber. For a better view, try Velvet Goldmine, in which he jumps around bottomless on stage.

We’ve only just begun to scratch the surface of PG-13 and R-rated encounters in cinema. Film writer Stephanie Laughlin wrote about some of her favorite sex scenes yesterday if you haven’t got enough yet! Have you got a favourite scene you’d like to recommend?? Leave a comment below.

I’ve got a confession to make: I’m cheating on my vibrator with a dildo.

It’s not that I’m bored with her – after all, we’ve only been together for about five months, and with her eight different modes and five speeds ranging from “soft flutter” to “intense pulsation”, boredom is but a distant memory. But lately, I’ve been craving something different, something deeper.

Seriously readers, I know you’ve heard this before, but if you don’t own a sex toy that sends thundering waves of bliss through your entire body, you should consider investing. Not that fingers aren’t fun too. I mean, they’re always there, right?

Until recently, I had surprisingly little experience with sex toys. My first vibrator was actually a gift when I was 19. I broke my wrist during my first and only time snowboarding, which forced me to take six weeks off from the coffee shop where I worked. One night, my co-worker Kendra called me to the café because she had a gift for me. She wrote this long, rambling card that talked about how it was something very valuable that I could use with only one hand, something every lady over 40 owns, and so why not be 20 years ahead of the game, and so on.

Here I thought she was cleverly insinuating it was a vibrator, but that it would end up being a back scratcher, so I opened it in front of everyone – and turned beet red when indeed, lo and behold, a pearly pink phallus. And while I did enjoy my time with that toy, it lacked the intensity I craved and the curve needed to stimulate my G-spot in ways that I didn’t even know were possible. Furthermore, it guzzled batteries like a Hummer guzzles gas.

Avid readers may remember my trip to the Everything to do with Sex Convention back in January. It was there that my very wise companion turned me on to Lelo, a Swedish company that prides themselves as one of the world’s leading providers of the most stylish and luxurious intimate lifestyle products. They even name each of their toys, and came up with a whole new term for them: pleasure objects.

And that’s where I met Ina, “a sleek, dual-action vibrator that reaches out seamlessly to the most erogenous zones… motors in each pleasure point to allow simultaneous or alternating vibrations as and when desired, tantalizing her user before delivering prolonged feelings of satisfaction, time and time again.”

All of Lelo’s products are made from ultra smooth, FDA-approved body-safe silicone. And, perhaps best of all, they solved the battery problem: Ina comes with her own charger! Plug her in for two hours and she’s good for up to four hours of pure bliss.

If I had to give one small piece of advice to Lelo, the controls aren’t as intuitive as I want them to be. After all, who wants to be fumbling for a button in the throes of passion?

But still, even with all that going for her, it was time to try something with a little more weight and girth. Meet the Pure Wand from Njoy. Crafted from 1.5 pounds of medical grade stainless steel, the Pure Wand packs quite a punch. If anyone tried to break into my apartment, one crack over the head with the Pure Wand and they’d be regretting their decision to match with this vixen!

A double-ended dildo with a 3-inch ball on one side and a mighty 5-inch ball on the other, it features what can only be described as the perfect curve. And my G-spot rejoiced! Run it under hot water or pop it in the freezer for a spine-tingling chill. And this one’s great for the guys too since it doubles as a prostate massager.

Someone recently asked me which was better, but it’s like comparing apples and oranges. They’re both great at what they do, and the sensations they provide are plentiful but different. At the end of the day, if I’d known I was coming home to either one of these two fabulous friends, I would have left the bar earlier… satisfied, disease-free and without questions.

If anything in here has piqued your interest, or if you have questions about finding the right toy for you, I recommend speaking to Phong at Joy Toyz.

We’ve all seen it happen – nice guy meets crazy girl, nice guy falls hard for crazy girl despite (or frequently, because of) her craziness, crazy girl uses this to her advantage to the point of ripping his heart out of his chest and stomping on it before force-feeding it to him for dinner.

Let’s get one thing straight before proceeding: there seems to be a generally accepted distinction made between the crazy-hot chick and the just plain ol’ crazy chick. Living in the vain culture that we do, the attractive crazies occupy a privileged position that lets them get away with it much more than a less attractive person. This behavioural trend is most evident in Hollywood movies, where snagging that coveted crazy girl role paves the way for box-office gold and Oscar glory.

In recent years, two of my close male friends have fallen under the spell of a manipulative vixen. A while back, I went for a ride with the first dude after not seeing him for quite some time. When he wasn’t chain smoking and complaining about how annoying his girlfriend was, she was calling him on his cell to bitch at him about something. I heard she even got violent on him a few times, shoving him and leaving scratch marks on his skin.

He was a nice guy, and he didn’t deserve to be treated like that! No one deserves to be treated like this!! But trying to tell someone in that situation is like banging your head against a brick wall… they stick up for her in the end, seeing things from her skewed perspective. A common trait of the hot-crazy girl is an eagerness to manipulate, consciously or otherwise. This often involves alienation of her boyfriend from his friends and family, even turning him against them.

I saw another buddy finally break free from a tangled web earlier this year. This girl had many of the hallmarks of the hot-crazy: attention seeking, little regard for morality, “impossible to be at ease around in social situations.” A true loose cannon with a drinking problem, intelligent but unable to get it together. They did the “break-up-and-get-back-together” dance a few times, inevitably coming back to each other for another fix.

There are many theories as to why some guys just can’t get enough of crazy women. Apparently, and rather unsurprisingly, the sex is crazy hot. I wouldn’t know, as I’ve never had sex with a crazy girl. I imagine it’s wild, legendary and uninhibited at first, but over time she starts using it as a manipulation tool, to get you to do things or to make you feel bad for not doing things.

Another theory is that men love playing “hero”, swooping in to pick her up and attempt to fix all her problems. It also puts his own mediocre life into perspective, making it seem like an accomplishment in comparison.

And you’ve gotta admit, there’s a bit of a thrill that comes along with being around someone that exudes unpredictability. “I think whenever you’re taken by someone, be it male or female, who has the potential to lose themselves or to transform in front of you, there’s something very attractive to that,” says actress Parker Posey.

But a relationship with an unbalanced person inevitably ends up unbalanced. They just aren’t built to last. Lawrence, 35, puts it best at Details.com:

“It was like the Stockholm syndrome—you become sympathetic toward your captor instead of realizing Oh my God—I’m a hostage!”

So both my friends had their aha moments, and are back with the parents, sorting their lives out. Hopefully they won’t be soured towards women for too long. We’re not all manipulative sea harpies that thrive on their tears and get stronger the weaker we make them feel. There are plenty of sassy ladies like me out there who are confident, fun, great in bed and only slightly crazy…

Photo of an extremely haggard looking Lindsay Lohan, the poster child for the crazy-hot chick, credited to ismellsmut.com.

One Toronto baby is causing quite the storm of controversy over the parents’ contentious decision not to reveal the child’s gender, in an attempt to allow the baby to develop free from the constraints of gender stereotypes.

It all began when Kathy Witterick  and David Stocker,  the parents of 5-month old baby Storm, sent an email to their family and friends which read, “We’ve decided not to share Storm’s sex for now a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand up to what the world could become in Storm’s lifetime (a more progressive place?…).”

Almost instantly after the story hit the blogosphere, the message boards and comments sections for news articles were ablaze with readers damning the couples for what was deemed a “bizarre lab experiment”. Witterick, 38 and Stocker, 39, have declined numerous interview requests this week with most of the major media outlets across North America. They will be appearing on CBC Radio’s Q with Jian Ghomeschi on Monday morning to defend their controversial parenting tactics.

This really got me thinking about how something as simple as a piece of clothing can drastically affect how we treat an infant. Witterick acknowledged this in an interview with the Toronto Star, when she said “When the baby comes out, even the people who love you the most and know you so intimately, the first question they ask is, ‘Is it a girl or a boy?”

Psychologists have acknowledged that parents intentionally and unintentionally treat baby boys differently than baby girls. Similarly, the way we treat a baby can be very dependent on what clues we can ascertain about the baby’s gender identity from its clothes or name. In today’s consumer-crazed world, there’s no shortage of ways for new parents to ingrain gender identity into their child’s sense of self, with everything from the paint in the nursery to the shades of the baby booties.

Up until about a hundred years ago, infants and children were generally clothed in white, as it could be bleached to remove stains and odours. In the mid 19th century, coloured clothing for babies was introduced, though pink was generally for boys and blue for girls.   According to a trade publication from the era, pink was a stronger and more decided colour, hence more suitable for boys, while blue was viewed as more delicate and dainty, thus a more apt choice for pretty little girls. It wasn’t until the 1940s that the dominant trends flipped and pink became the norm for baby girls and blue for boys.

I applaud the parents of baby Storm for this intriguing approach to parenting. To me, it doesn’t seem so much like they’re trying to raise a genderless child as they are trying to prevent everyone around them from applying their gender biases to the child. However, as far as social experiments go, the time frame for this one is relatively short. It’s easy to try to treat a baby in a gender-neutral manner, but what happens when baby Storm reaches their toddler years or goes off to school and has to weather a whole new set of questions about identity and gender?

The closest indication of how things will turn out for baby Storm can be seen in the behaviour of the child’s sibling, Jazz, a five year old boy whose favourite color is pink and who loves wearing his hair in braids. He keeps a notebook where he  muses about gender in pink and purple lettering that reads,”Help girls do boy things. Help boys do girl things. Let your kid be whoever they are!”

Photo of Baby Storm (in red) with older brother, Jazz

Photo Credit – Steve Russel, Toronto Star

Breaking news from the world of sexual studies this week: apparently creative types like professional artists and poets have more sex partners than their non-creative counterparts. Seriously, they needed a study to prove this?

While the findings shouldn’t come as much of a shock to any of my fellow bohemian babes and boys who have hooked up after a vernissage (or a Glam Gam show!), this is the first study to provide firm evidence, according to the research team from England’s Newcastle University.

Study leader Daniel Nettle attributed the findings to the fact that “very creative types lead a bohemian lifestyle and tend to act on more sexual impulses and opportunities, often purely for experience’s sake, than the average person would”. Hell yeah… that’s part of the fun of being creative!!

Furthermore, creative types are more likely to tolerate impulsive sexual behaviour from their partners, and are less likely to expect fidelity from them.

If you’re looking to engage in some impulsive, ridiculous behaviour, you might want to check out one of the events put on by Le Chat Perdu Productions, founded by the man with a million brilliant ideas, Sherwin Tija.   He’s the creator of unique fun nights including Porn Karaoke, Slowdance Nights, Crowd Karaoke, and the Strip Spelling Bee.

The Strip Spelling Bee is exactly what it sounds like. One by one, participants spell some of the hardest words the English language has to offer. When they make a mistake, they strip.   And since prizes are not only given for the best speller, but also the best stripper, there’s an incentive to be a crowd pleaser.   By the end of the third round, the vast majority of the spellers are wearing nothing but smiles.

I asked Sherwin where he got the idea for the night:

“I got the idea because I was putting on a hipster spelling bee a couple years ago and my then girlfriend asked her friend to go to it and she said, “A spelling bee? Ugh. No way. The only way I would go to that is if there was stripping.” And that just lit a lightbulb in my head, and I thought to myself, what a great idea! And so it took a couple bees to work out the rules, but now it’s quite a ridiculous and wonderful time.”

So if you’re one of those creative types that craves new and interesting experiences, head on down to the Mainline Theater (3997 St Laurent) on Wednesday June 1st. Sign up to spell at 9:30 and the show starts at 10. And check out Chat Perdu Productions on Facebook or drop by Jane’s blog for information on future quirky events!

It seems that every month we’re celebrating some cause or raising awareness about another, be it black history, AIDS or gay pride. But arguably the most fun month of them all is the month of May, a time to get acquainted with what gets you off… that’s right, happy National Masturbation Month everybody!

While masturbation has been unable to shake all of the social stigmas that plagued it in the past, at least it’s acknowledged and generally accepted by the majority of mainstream society. After all, it’s an everyday practice for 40% of American males and 22% of females, and for the curious first-timers or those looking to learn new skills, there’s a wealth of resources on the subject, both in print and online.   Personally, I’m quite glad we’ve gotten past the notion that it causes moral defects and results in hairy palms and blindness.

As historian Thomas Laqueur remarked in Solitary Sex: A Culture History Of Masturbation:

“For the first time in history, masturbation was embraced as a mode of liberation, a claim to autonomy, to pleasure for its own sake, an escape from the socially prescribed path toward normal adulthood. It went from being the deviant sexuality of the wrong kind of social order to being the foundational sexuality of new sorts of imagined communities.”

But just under two decades ago, US Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders was fired for merely suggesting that teaching masturbation in schools could prevent young people from engaging in intercourse or other riskier forms of sexual expression.

This prompted the owners of one of the originators of the woman-owned, sex positive brand of shops, San Francisco’s Good Vibrations, to launch a month-long awareness campaign about the benefits of masturbation, and how it is just another component of a healthy and happy sex life. After all, isn’t it easy for your lover to pleasure you when you know exactly what you like, how you like to be touched and where?   Plus, it’s a safe and fun way to relieve tension and could have other health benefits like reducing the risk prostate cancer in men and cervical infections for women.

To be honest, I was planning on masturbating every day just to celebrate, but I’ve fallen a little behind as of late. I mean, I could try to catch up, but with a full time job and a part time party habit, I can’t really squeeze in missing twelve-or-so sessions let alone one or two.   Maybe if I were Ana Catarian Bezerra, a 36-year old Brazilian woman who is legally allowed to masturbate and watch porn at work.

The woman suffers from a chemical imbalance in her brain that causes a bad case of hyper-sexuality and severe anxiety, best relieved by compulsively getting herself off. At its worst, she would masturbate up to 47 times a day. Now on what was described as a cocktail of tranquilizers, she’s down to a mere 18 times a day.   If we could all be so lucky…

Even with all the information out there, I think it’s as important as ever that we stop and take a moment (or an entire month) to recognize the positive effects of masturbation. Creating a dialogue about the subject helps to further debunk its taboos. This is especially important for women, who historically and culturally speaking have a more complicated relationship with the act of self-love. While you’d be pretty hard pressed to find a man out there who wasn’t intimately familiar with his own penis, women aren’t really as encouraged to explore themselves in such a manner. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that women experience their sexual peak later in life, perhaps it was because I’ve learned a few tricks from my lovers, and perhaps it was the magnificent vibrator I wisely invested in… all I know is, I get better and better at pleasing myself with each passing year.

Here are some fun statistics compiled by Pleated Jeans about masturbation   for you to ponder.   Then, I advise you to get off the computer and get yourself off!

Gather round children– I want you to close your eyes for a moment and think back to life before the Internet. Life before Youtube became the world’s biggest jukebox. A simpler time when arguments were settled with encyclopedias, not Wikipedia, blind dates were set up by friends playing cupid instead of, Ok Cupid, and people purchased good old fashioned pornographic magazines from behind the counter, wrapped in brown paper sacks.

The Internet didn’t just change the pornography industry, it completely revolutionized it. It has blossomed into a global multi-billion dollar industry. Not only did access to the World Wide Web make it easier for consumers to find the porn that suits their exact desires, no matter how bizarre (clown porn? Garbage fetishes??), it also enabled amateur auteurs to share their tempting and titillating videos with ease.

It comes as no shock that, as of the first quarter of 2010, over one third of all the content on the Internet was of a pornographic nature. According to a recent survey conducted by the global security firm Optenet, the number of pornographic sites online has grown by 17 percent since 2009.

Seriously… think about that for a second. For every three websites you wasted time on this afternoon, there’s someone out there taking it up the ass, or blowing their load on someone’s face, or getting themselves off for the camera. And it’s all out there at the click of a button. The simple act of typing ‘porn’ into Google search generates an astounding 731,000,000 hits. From an organizational perspective, with that much porn out there, it makes sense to carve out a big corner of cyberspace where all your  XXX needs are met!

Earlier this month, the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN) approved the controversial .xxx domain suffix as a new Top Level Domain (TLD), akin to heavy-hitters like .com, .org and .edu. While they won’t take effect until at least the fall, the first registered addresses include porn.xxx, sex.xxx and, the double-whammy of xxx.xxx. all three bear the annoying un-clever tagline “let’s be adult about it”.

These sites laud the benefits of segregating pornographic content to the .xxx domain including consumer acceptance and confidence, a safe, secure and trusted environment, and greater acceptances by more consumers globally, which translates to more profits for the adult industry. However, support for the .xxx domain is anything but unanimous in the adult industry.

A group calling themselves the Free Speech Coalition was quick to criticize the plan, calling on pornographers to boycott the new domain name. They have staged protests in  San Francisco,  claiming that an online red light district will make it easier for governments to block access to websites with controversial content. Not surprisingly, Saudi Arabia has already indicated they plan on banning .xxx domain names from their Internet, and others will surely follow suit in the coming months.

Furthermore, they address the issue of the cost of the new TLD, which has raised red flags in the adult industry. The typical cost for an .xxx domain name can run up to seven times as much as a typical .com, or about $70 per domain name. Since many pornographers own thousands upon thousands of domains, these new costs can reach insurmountable levels.

And finally, while you’d think that anti-pornography advocacy groups would throw their support behind the cause, such is not the case. They argue it that the move makes porn sites more visible, and gives agency to the industry as a whole. And while  it would make it easier for parents, employers and educators to block  access to the domain name as a whole, first they  do have to acknowledge  the existence of oh so very much porn.

In the end, it seems like a novel idea but I don’t think it’ll catch on  in the way the ICANN  hopes it will.  People will  continue producing adult content and posting it at .coms, at least until there’s a real Internet police  coming around and telling you what you can and can’t post. And where do we draw the line at “adult content”, and who decides what would belong in the .xxx domain?

What are your thoughts on this matter?   Does an online red light district make sense, or is it just another way they’re trying to censor and screw pornographers??

Photos mademoisellebbb & Engadget


They were around long before the birds and the bees. They roamed the Earth before aphrodisiacs were discovered, before satin sheets became very romantic, and before the sweet, seductive allure of Barry White’s voice. They were even around before the panty remover. So, if they didn’t have the power of lemon gin on their side, how did male dinosaurs convince female dinosaurs to have sex with them?

To be perfectly honest, I had never really given the question much thought until last week. I was at my friend’s neighbors’ house picking up an ounce of spices. I know what you’re thinking- wow, they must be making a lot of spaghetti! We knocked on their door, rousing the two young men from their nap. After we made them change the channel from the curling that had bored them both into slumber just after nine on a Saturday night, we stumbled upon a program on the Discovery Channel about dinosaur sex. And lo, my fascination began…

In order to learn what we can about dinosaur sex, we must turn to their closest descendants on Earth today: reptiles and birds, two groups that share surprising similarities in their reproductive organs.

In reptiles and birds, both gender possess an all-purpose opening for shitting and fucking called the cloaca, while the males have a small penis-like appendage that, when the time is right, emerges from the cloaca to deliver the sperm. But while this may shed some insight on the anatomical considerations of dinosaur sex, what about the other important aspects of the ritual?

In truth, we can really never know exactly what dinosaur courtship and mating rituals were like. Hell, maybe they even had   their own “lemon gin”, say a certain lake’s chemical make-up that, when ingested, caused them to be as horny as cat in heat.

Given their size, many paleontologists suspect that dinosaurs may have retreated to the water to mate, like one of their living descendants, the crocodile. However, other scientists argue that if humongous animals like the elephant can mate on land, so could dinosaurs… even those as large as the Brontosaurus, Diplodocus or Mamenchisaurus, where the mating ritual might have begun with necking that rivals that of teenagers at the drive-in.

And while their isn’t much truth to the myth in humans that correlates height or foot size to penis size, paleontologist Phil Senter speculates that neck length may have played a role in sexual selection for female sauropods. He deduced that if the extension of the neck played a pivotal role in the mating ritual, females might have sought after the males with the longest necks, similar to giraffes.

And finally, with their limited flexibility and gargantuan size, dinosaurs probably didn’t have that many exciting sex positions to choose from. It appears that the most common was the male mounting the female from behind, a typical sight in the natural kingdom with species ranging from dogs to rhinos.

So maybe next time, instead of doggy style, you can ask your girlfriend if she wants to do it Titanosaur style. That’s got a nicer ring to it, don’t you think??

There are some really hilarious computer-animated sequences of dinosaurs mating in this clip, enjoy!


Online dating sure has gotten a bad rap lately. First, we had the Craigslist Killer taking all the fun out of the personals on that site. Not only did random blind dates with shifty-eyed strangers fill me with slightly more trepidation than before, the string of attacks also helped cause the “always good for a laugh” erotic services ads to be taken down.

This week, it was reported that an LA woman is suing one of the largest online dating sites out there, Match.com, after being allegedly sexually assaulted by a man she’d met on their site. According to the LA Times, it turns out he had a several previous convictions for sexual battery. Now she’s seeking  a court injunction to prevent future members from signing up unless the site implements a screening process involving cross-checking against sex offender registries.

Match.com claims its up to the user to screen their own dates in order to protect themselves from harm, and even offer a variety of safety tips on the site. They’re pretty much basic common sense ranging from if you have a mobile phone, take it with you to stay in a public place. None of them would have really helped our Jane Doe anyway, as she was allegedly followed home by the attacker after their second date and assaulted in her home.

So, is it up to the dating sites to screen their users for sexually-based crimes? Companies like MyMatchChecker.com have found their niche in the market with online daters not satisfied with the level of screening performed by their sites. You see, for just a nominal fee ranging from $14.95 to up to $89, you can check on your prospective partner’s criminal history, see if they’re on the FBI terrorist watch list and oh so much more. Because, as they point out, “You just met someone. A background check makes good sense” or the old “wherever you are in your relationship, do a background check”.

Here’s a reality check- if you’re thinking about entering or in a relationship with someone that you think you should be getting a background check on, you probably don’t want to be in a relationship with that person. Now, may I have your $14.95 please?

At the end of the day, it’s even possible for online dating site to screen their clients perfectly? Of course not. Sexual assault is one of the most widely underreported crimes, so even if you cross checked with every database known to the city, province, country and world, you wouldn’t find all the predators out there. Just because a person has a clean record doesn’t mean they have a clean conscience… and that they are who they say they are.

After all, we’re talking about the Internet here, where it’s almost criminally easy to pretend you’re someone you’re not. I do not look forward to a future where you need fingerprints, a DNA sample, and a notarized letter from a blood relative just to think about signing up for an online dating site. And I thought there were slim pickings now…


When we last checked in with our fearless females on a mission for an intriguing story, they were in the couples section of Cinema L’Amour watching Jerry give it to Elaine from behind. To take the edge off the experience, they slurped gin from Jessica’s flask. The restlessness in the theater was becoming apparent. Some members of the exclusively male audience were pacing around, changing seats every ten minutes or so.

Then, another couple enters our story and we bear witness to the seamier side of the cinema.

I gotta admit just sitting in a porn theater got me a little bit aroused. Partially because it was my first time in such an establishment, partially because it felt rebellious and dirty, and partially because of the anticipation of getting to watch hot people have hot sex.

This arousal quickly dissipated when I could hear belt buckles opening all over the place and it became clear I was not the target audience for the heterosexual male fantasies being played out on screen- no foreplay or emotional connection and extreme close-up penetration shots. The lead actress’ ludicrously fake noises, nasal baby voice and constant string of inane, annoying and sometimes downright disturbing commentary throughout the sex caused me to wonder Men want you to say that during sex?

And now back to the couple beside us. For obvious reasons it’s very dark in the cinema, so it was hard to ascertain much about them. I assume they were in their late 40s or early 50s and it certainly wasn’t their first visit to this particular place.

As the man reached over to fondle the woman’s exposed breast, the men from the audience literally swarm around them. We thought we got it bad from the crowd when we first walked in. Now our stare downs felt like a walk in the park.

At first, when one of the audience members started massaging the woman’s other tit, I giggled in disbelief. It was like sitting right next to a car wreck- you don’t want to stare in shock for too long but you’re almost too intrigued to turn away. My view of the scene was hampered by that fact that I was groin level with a particularly rotund old man who was trying to score a piece of the action and I certainly didn’t want my nightmares haunted by a clear view of his chubby little weenie.

The invisible barrier of the couple’s section was broken when a few of the men hopped right over the seats to get closer to the couple. At this point about eight of them had formed a fairly tight circle around the couple, with the stragglers a few feet behind.

It became quite difficult to see what was going on but the slurp slurping and gagging made it clear that the circle jerk had whizzed past second and was gliding into sexual third base- the blow job. What perplexed us more were the seemingly bona fide lady noises coming from the middle of the circle. I guess we’ll never know whether it was a finger or something else causing her to squeak out sighs of satisfaction.

Eventually half the circle dissipated, leaving us a clear view for the woman on her knees on the theater floor, mouth-level with the last two men from the circle. As soon as she finished, she sat back down in her seat, kissed the man for a few seconds, and they went off on their merry little way.

While we went into Cinema L’Amour expecting to see erotic acts take place on screen, we had no idea that the action would also occur so candidly in the audience. So ladies, if your idea of a sexy good time is giving head to a slew of random older dudes, head on down to the Cinema L’Amour. It’s free for couples on Mondays and Tuesdays, and they screen two different films every week.

Finally, I’ll close with one other aspect of the film that surprised me- the lack of female orgasms. Right when the women would be at the point of panting “I’m gonna cum, don’t stop baby” over and over, it would cut to a different shot. I only remember witnessing one body shaking, full-on orgasm. When I complained to a friend about this, she replied with “Guys don’t want to see that. They only want to see the money shot.”

This got me to thinking- does it not arouse a man to see a woman having an orgasm? He’d really rather see her face getting covered in hot, white cum?

If I were watching porn for my own arousal, I would want to see men and women getting off all over the place. Granted I don’t want to judge all porn by what I saw here.   So if I get to call “watching porn” research, will it take all the fun out of it? Only time will tell…

I finally met a man who recognizes how fabulous I am! He notices when I get my hair coloured, and helps me shop for new clothes that accent my curves in all the right places. He even knows the magic words to bypass the bouncer to get into all the best parties. Just one teeny weenie problem- he’s into weenies.

The old adage of “all the best men are either taken or gay” seems truer than ever. Yes, it’s slim pickings out there for good heterosexual men, especially as we get older. Then when you do meet them, you gotta wonder why someone hasn’t scooped them up already…

The ratio of successful men to successful women is tipping in our favor, perhaps for the first time ever. According to a recent article at Slate.com, earnings for 25- to 34-year old men have fallen by 20 percent in the past 40 years. And women are outpacing men in numbers at post secondary institutions, and for the first time in history, also the workforce.

So you’d think that all these smart, successful women like myself out there would be scooped up by these flailing men into the security of a commitment. But it appears that the scarcity of ideal male partners has tipped the sexual scales in their favor… assuming that most of them are looking for sex with very few strings attached.

When there are lots of men around, women get treated better. We pay for fewer drinks, we get asked to dance more often, and we rarely have to ask for massages. In short, when we get to choose our penis, we do so carefully. It has been documented that a surplus of women causes marriage rates to rise and fewer children to be born out of wedlock.

Conversely, when there are fewer men around, women have to take what they can get. And this can include accepting terms on a sexual relationship that they might not be as willing to accept if there were more men to pick from.

Sexual economics can also have an effect on existing relationships. As a friend recently told me, “If there were more decent heterosexual men around competing for my attention, maybe it would cause my boyfriend to step up his game a little bit. But on the other hand, having so many gay men around means he also doesn’t have to validate me as much.”

But don’t worry singles, all is not lost. The Internet is bringing more people together than ever, especially in the area of sexual relationships. Right now as you are reading this, hundreds of people across the world are fucking for the first time after having met online. Hundreds are professing their love and dozens are marrying. Or if all else fails, ladies can consider moving to Sudan, Venezuela, Columbia or Bolivia, which according to a recent study, are the countries with the largest average penis size.

Photo 1 acclaimclipart.com

Want more sex? Come fuck, I mean find us on Facebook.

The other night I was making a delicious curry dinner with a few friends when the topic of our respective sexual histories arose. While numbers, lists, best-of and hall of shame stories were being tossed around, I casually referenced the fact that giving someone a blow job doesn’t constitute sex for me.

I cited my original list, which still exists on a small square of nearly-torn paper written in various colours of pen as names were added, in tinier and tinier print so as to accommodate them all. As a testament to my teenage relative inexperience, that list consisted of an XX and XXX column. Over the years, a few lucky names from the left were circled and moved over to the right by way of an arrow once fluids were actually exchanged, not just swallowed.

One of my friends chimed in, saying if she gave a guy head, it would be the equivalent of just “messing around” or “getting some action” more like giving some action! My gay male friend was a bit surprised by this, as at this point in his sexual life, considered that act to be “sex”.   This led me to meditate on the question of how we define sex, both culturally and personally.

Culturally, I came of age in a time when the semantics of sexual relations almost cost the most powerful man in the world his job.   Therefore I wasn’t all that surprised when I stepped back and realized I had a very masculine-centric definition of sex. Before I really starting thinking about it, I defined sex as when a man penetrated my vagina with his penis, until the point of his orgasm, thereby ending the sex act, although if I were to cum before him and we stopped, it would still technically be sex to me.

After offering this definition, my friend inquired as to whether it would be sex if my lover fucked me with a dildo. I mediated on that gray area for a second.

“Well, I guess that would be sex,” I said with a certain amount of trepidation. “Or would it?”

“What about lesbians?” another friend chimed in.

This was proving to be more difficult that I had initially anticipated, so I decided to consult some outside sources for an expert opinion. Merriam Webster had this to say about sex “sexually motivated phenomena or behaviour, see also sexual intercourse”.   But who goes around saying, “I had such great sexual intercourse last night”.

I needed to go straight to the slang source, the Urban Dictionary. Their definitions ranged from the cheeky “the number six in Swedish” or the only exercise most Americans get anymore”, to the all-encompassing “insert tab A into slot B”.

While I didn’t scroll through all 53 pages of definitions, I wasn’t too surprised that most of them featured a reiteration of the “when a man uses his erect penis to insert it into a woman’s vagina and he pumps it in and out of the vagina or the woman bounces up and down on it” definition.

Defining sex is difficult because people have their own personal definitions that differ from those dictated by society.   I think that’s part of the reason people, especially men, are fascinated by the mechanics of lesbian sex- it differs so much from what they’re accustomed to.

As one of my friends noted, perhaps the reason we don’t constitute blow jobs as sex is because for experienced, highly evolved sluts like us, they’re just an exciting and fun part of foreplay.

One thing’s for sure I certainly wouldn’t deny having had sexual relations with any man who’s had his penis in my mouth!

How do you define sex, and what factors influence that definition for you personally and for society?

Photo Credit – http://www.shutterstock.com