When you think of the term sexiest man alive, you think of a man with a chiseled face and perfect hairline that makes girls swoon from coast to coast. A Brad Pitt or George Clooney type whose debonair charm and wit are equally matched by his rugged handsomeness. This week, People Magazine announced the next name they would be adding to the venerable list of Sexiest Man Alive is… Adam Levine!?

Levine has all the sex appeal of a soggy pile of ten-day old trash. They might as well have picked Robin Thicke. I would much rather bang present day Mick Jagger, whether he demonstrates any of his famous moves or not.  Hell, I’d rather bang Mick Jagger’s roadies than go anywhere near that moronic Maroon 5 frontman who just seems to exude the scent of a douche. It’s all those trashy tattoos and the smug smile he can’t wipe off his face… and not smug in a sexy way.

“I’ve always felt a little misrepresented in the world,” he told Details Magazine.  “I felt like people only knew me as a singer who dated pretty girls. A little bit of a bimbo. Maybe I was kind of a bimbo,” he adds, laughing. “I was the music dude that was naked all the time with the girls, and that’s fine, no problem with that.”

**EXCLUSIVE** Ryan Gosling, wearing a denim jacket and skinny jeans, hangs out on the set of his upcoming movie "Drive"And he’s the first self-designated “music dude” to receive the honor from the magazine – all the previous recipients have been actors. Oh wait, I almost forgot, Levine is diversifying his portfolio and trying his hand at the craft of acting. In fact, his being brutally stabbed by a serial killer was one of the definite highlights of last season’s American Horror Story. He’s also the only winner of the title whose current level of celebrity revolves around a reality show, indicative of a shift in the mainstream mindset of what constitutes fame these days.

I yearn for the days where a man like Brad or George would capture the collective consciousness, permeating the swooning hearts of the masses. With the way the fame machine is running, it seems doubtful we’ll ever have another so-called super hunk like that. Even recent choices like Hugh Jackman and Channing Tatum seem a few tiers lower in the star system than past Hollywood royalty winners like Tom Cruise… which isn’t to say the award is free from clunkers like Harry Hamlin or Nick Nolte. Look at the perennially passed-over choice Ryan Gosling. Sure, he has his own hilarious meme and rabid sects of fans, but they fail to catapult to the level of Sexiest Man Alive.  More like Guy You’d Most Like to Take Back Home to Meet your Parents.

jon-hammPersonally, I’d have gone with someone like Michael Fassbender or Jon Hamm. Fassbender makes daring choices as an actor, including the decision to bare it all for Shame (spoiler alert: he had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of). Hamm can do comedy or drama with equal skill and flair, and he just seems like a very friendly and personable guy, exuding classic Hollywood charm.

Men aren’t the only ones who can give the gift of pleasure this holiday season. Many men enjoy sex toys as much as, or even more than women, but might be more reticent to admit it, making Christmas the perfect time to spoil him. If he’s a newbie or needs a little help getting past his ego, you can initiate him into the satisfaction of incorporating a few pleasure objects into his sexual repertoire.

To indulge his inner geek, try the Alien Fleshlight, which billed as “an unworldly experience that will abduct your penis and send it spiraling through in a real milky way!” It’s no surprise the manufacturer of the #1 best selling sex toy for men would come up with a way to capitalize on every nerdy boy’s Avatar and alien fucking fantasies. With its eerie, pearlescent blue sleeve, exclusive inner texture that features a Vortex canal, a Lotus node and an other-worldly double clit, it’s sure to be a truly unique experience.

If he’s been a really good boy, you could splurge for the Ultimate Alien Fantasy kid, which includes a copy of “This Ain’t Avatar XXX” in both 2D and 3D versions. It sounds like we’re almost creepily close to virtual reality sex where dicks and pussies protrude from television sets for our insatiable pleasure.

Or perhaps you’d prefer to get his motor running with the hottest new toy on the market for men, Fun Factory’s Cobra Libre. With a sleek shape inspired by the curves of a sports car, it is a luxury vibrating toy made from hypoallergenic, medical grade silicone. It features a dual motor system that pulsates and oscillates in a unique pattern of vibrations around the ultra sensitive head of the penis. The interior bumps and ridges are said to simulate the feeling of receiving a blow job. Like many female vibrators on the market, it is fully rechargeable, waterproof and easy to clean. The discreet design is an added bonus!

The online reviews of this toy range from absolutely  glowing to dismal, with most of the criticism centering around the overly sensitive controls and low charge (30-60 minutes) compared with a high charge time (up to 12 hours). Some boast it can bring them to shuddering climax within minutes, while others longed for a extended shaft that delivered a wider range of sensations.

Although both the aforementioned toys come with a long list of unique features, they also both come with hefty price tags. If you’re looking for a stocking stuffer that both of you will enjoy, look no further than the classic cock ring. Cock rings can help couples prolong pleasure by limiting blood flow to the penis, thereby delay ejaculation. Look for one that will fit snugly around the base of the penis. The most popular options are the vibrating ones, which range from battery-operated beauties to luxurious, rechargeable ones made from top quality silicone.