Online Dating

CultureSex

Ever send a text message you regret? It has been crafted, a well written expression of love and lust that will be sure to win their heart or at least grant you some quality time with their naughty bits. All typed. Ok here it goes, press send. DELIVERED. No taking it back now. Oh hell, what will he think, why hasn’t he looked at it yet, it’s been two whole seconds! READ Ahhh! It’s the moment I’ve been waiting for. Then I wait and wait some more, no response. Life is over. šŸ™

First there were newspaper personals, then on to chat rooms (ASL?). fast forward to Hot or Not, Friendster, Plenty of Fish, and the infamous Myspace. Now Tinder, Grinder, OKCupid, Facecrack, Craigslist, text messaging and social media in general have changed the way people look for sex and romance in this modern (technology obsessed) world.

Imagine having to walk into a bar and actually being forced to strike up a conversation with an attractive human?! Holy shit! You mean I don’t get to know what his quirky hobbies, food allergies, and favorite ironic tv shows are beforehand? Can you really ever “know” someone without seeing their “profile” first? Sketchy.

It’s so easy to browse for a mate with the swipe of a finger and a tracking system that lets you know how close they are to you! Only 20 feet away, now 10, only 6, and fast approaching. He is much shorter than it says, I wonder what else he lied about? Oh well, YOLO. Wow, stalking, I mean dating, has never been so convenient. Do you like scary movies?

There is a glow: illuminated face, eyes glazed and dilated, mouth slightly ajar, a small puddle of drool forms, and a muscular thumb ferociously taps away. Everywhere you look, from the darkened movie theatre to the family dinner table, there are people of all ages with their faces in their beloved phones.

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Photo credit: Phil Campbell, Flickr CC

Just think, most of these people are typing the filthiest things, sexting, and trying to get some action. These things are too dirty to even mention here. At any given moment there are probably millions of #selfie boob shots and even double that in dick pics being sent through the digital waves all around us.

What happened to “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours?” I actually have a back log of all the unsolicited dick pics sent my way. Some big, some not as big, curved to the left or right, hard as a rock, slightly chubby, cut, uncut, veiny, lots of pubes, or diligently manscaped.

My usual response is to send a big bulging ween right back to them. I recycle the ridiculous cock shots sent by others and claim them as my own flopping member. I hope these bros have learned a lesson. What did you expect me to send a lovey shot of my snatch instead? Not saying my bearded clam isn’t absolutely gorgeous, she’s just modest and looks kind of fat in pics.

It’s not ok to whip your dick out in public, what makes you think its cool to send it to my inbox? People hide behind technology. They feel a sense of confidence and sassiness that is unmatched. When you send a message, you can edit it and say just the right thing. There is no chance of being instantly rejected, slapped, or arrested for indecent exposure like in “real” life.

Call me old fashioned but there is no substitute for falling in love in person. That moment when you meet someone for the first time and just stop breathing. Your heartbeat changes. You lock eyes and melt into a puddle of dreams, hopes, and lust. All you can say is jibberish or nothing at all.

Love transforms us into babbling idiots, and that’s how it is supposed to be! The journey then begins, you get to ask him about the things he does, the places he has been, and explore the things that make him, well, him. It’s beautiful. It takes time.

Sometimes we get shot down, and it hurts, but you have to keep getting up and living life. Love comes around when you aren’t looking for it. You never know, the man reading Nietzsche at the coffee shop, the person baring their soul on stage, or the woman pumping gas next to you might be the one you have been looking for all along.

Life is too short to hide behind technology. Don’t get me wrong, I use and abuse it too, I have sent texts that I am not proud of and gone on dates that are even more unmentionable. I have even written a misconnection or two.

I’m sure there will be those who argue with me on this, that small percentage of folks who have met their soulmate on Christian Mingle and have lived happily ever after. But in general things that are fast are not good. Instead of emerging yourself in the digital sex trade please set down your phone, power down the tablet, close the laptop, brush your hair, put on a clean shirt, and get out there! You look great today btw.

Say hi to the next attractive person you see. (Hint: the hottest ones are generally the most insecure because they are so hot that nobody actually speaks to them). Keep your head up and always remember that you are a unique, totally interesting, confident, and incredible human. You are not afraid to have real face to face interaction and live life to the fullest. Go get ’em, tiger! I believe in you.

Phil Campbell, Flicker CC

CultureSex

Let’s face it, dating ain’t easy. Whether you’re newly separated or a veteran on the scene, you’re always looking for dating tips and advice. Here are 8 tips that should help you get on the right track when on the hunt for that special someone.

1. Get things in order

Developing a serious relationship is about two lives working together like a well oiled machine. Make sure you have important aspects of your life together, like your career, living situation and relationships with friends and family.

2. Know what you want

Being clear with yourself about what you want will save you time and spare your or someone else’s feelings in the long run. A simple way toget started is to create a list of non-negotiables and work on understanding your needs before you put yourself on the market. Bonus: People like people who know what they want.

Know what you want

3. Get real

Be honest with yourself about what you have and are willing to offer as part of a relationship and consider what you expect, and more importantly deserve, from someone else.

4. Be prepared

Mentally prepare yourself to enter the dating scene. Donā€™t expect that you will bump into Mr/Mrs. Perfect in a grocery aisle tomorrow. Instead, keep in mind that you will need to make an effort to try new things in order to meet new people.

5. Ease up on the pressure

Dating with the goal of finding your next relationship is fine, but making it your sole purpose can backfire. The pressure can cause you to miss out on the enjoyment of dating itself or worse, it can scare someone youā€™re interested in away.

6. Donā€™t be afraid to reject

Thereā€™s no sugar coating it, rejection is a part of dating, and there is no upside to dragging something out with someone you know isnā€™t right for you. Ā Rejection is part of the game so try your best to stay positive and view any kind of rejection as an opportunity to better yourself.

7. Never settle

Itā€™s a big red flag if you have to talk yourself into being with someone. Remember that itā€™s your life and that you can trust your gut. If you ever find yourself in a position where you think you might just settle for “Mr/Mrs. Right Now” instead of “Mr/Mrs. Right”,Ā Ā take a little ā€œmeā€ time. The short break from the dating scene will be just what you need.

8. Have fun

Dating should be fun. Make sure you are enjoying yourself while you’re on the hunt for that special someone.Ā So relax and embrace it for what it is; the opportunity to meet new people, try new things and learn more about yourself.

Kavvita Ajwani is the president of Montreal’s newest speed dating company, Dashing Date. Check out their calendar for all upcoming events.Ā 

 

CultureSexThe Morning After

Online dating sure has gotten a bad rap lately. First, we had the Craigslist Killer taking all the fun out of the personals on that site. Not only did random blind dates with shifty-eyed strangers fill me with slightly more trepidation than before, the string of attacks also helped cause the “always good for a laugh” erotic services ads to be taken down.

This week, it was reported that an LA woman is suing one of the largest online dating sites out there, Match.com, after being allegedly sexually assaulted by a man she’d met on their site. According to the LA Times, it turns out he had a several previous convictions for sexual battery. Now she’s seeking Ā a court injunction to prevent future members from signing up unless the site implements a screening process involving cross-checking against sex offender registries.

Match.com claims its up to the user to screen their own dates in order to protect themselves from harm, and even offer a variety of safety tips on the site. They’re pretty much basic common sense ranging from if you have a mobile phone, take it with you to stay in a public place. None of them would have really helped our Jane Doe anyway, as she was allegedly followed home by the attacker after their second date and assaulted in her home.

So, is it up to the dating sites to screen their users for sexually-based crimes? Companies like MyMatchChecker.com have found their niche in the market with online daters not satisfied with the level of screening performed by their sites. You see, for just a nominal fee ranging from $14.95 to up to $89, you can check on your prospective partner’s criminal history, see if they’re on the FBI terrorist watch list and oh so much more. Because, as they point out, “You just met someone. A background check makes good sense” or the old “wherever you are in your relationship, do a background check”.

Here’s a reality check- if you’re thinking about entering or in a relationship with someone that you think you should be getting a background check on, you probably don’t want to be in a relationship with that person. Now, may I have your $14.95 please?

At the end of the day, it’s even possible for online dating site to screen their clients perfectly? Of course not. Sexual assault is one of the most widely underreported crimes, so even if you cross checked with every database known to the city, province, country and world, you wouldn’t find all the predators out there. Just because a person has a clean record doesn’t mean they have a clean conscienceĆ¢ā‚¬Ā¦ and that they are who they say they are.

After all, we’re talking about the Internet here, where it’s almost criminally easy to pretend you’re someone you’re not. I do not look forward to a future where you need fingerprints, a DNA sample, and a notarized letter from a blood relative just to think about signing up for an online dating site. And I thought there were slim pickings nowĆ¢ā‚¬Ā¦