You don’t know me, but you’ve been inside me, and that’s why we are here today.”

– A rape victim to her abuser

Being drunk or walking alone is not asking to get raped. Being adorable or sweet is not an invitation for violation! NO MEANS NO! No response ALSO MEANS NO! There is no non-consensual sex, there is consensual sex and then there is rape. All parties involved must be in willing agreement and capable of making decisions.

As a woman I have been told never to walk by myself. I have been warned that if my clothes were too revealing I might “attract the wrong attention.” I have attracted the wrong attention without even batting an eyelash. I have heard horror stories of women being thrown down in alleys and beaten to within an inch of life, having their dignity and sometimes their lives taken by predators.rape pie chart
Its a scary world, for everyone. I even know a man who was victim of a brutal rape, he woke up half naked in an ally in the middle of the day, drugged and taken advantage of.

Movies and the internet do not help rape culture. I often recall being deeply disturbed by the rape scene in A Clockwork Orange, and know that there is even more brutal scenes out there now and a whole genre of rape porn.

But still, it’s deeper than that. At the end of the day its a human being making the decision to be evil and heartless, to take something that is not being offered. The next scene of the woman in a shower, never being able to wash away the dirt she feels inside.

In January of 2015 two Swedish Stanford students were biking across campus and discovered a rape happening. They chased down the assailant and he was arrested. 20 year old Brock Turner was found guilty on three counts of sexual assault.

He was found behind a dumpster thrusting himself on top of and violating a half nude woman who was passed out. He could have faced up to 14 years in prison. He was only sentenced to six months in county jail and probation.

The judge feared that a more severe punishment would have too severe of an impact on the young man. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! SEVERE IMPACT? ON HIM!? WTF! HE IS A RAPIST!

A rapist who happened to also be a champion swimmer, all American white bread Olympic bound perfection. It was more important that this perfect boy who just made one little itty bitty rapey mistakey would be ok in the end.

Did the judge even consider the women he raped? The woman who he put his rotten fingers inside and forced himself upon? The woman who will never feel truly clean.

The victim spoke out with a poignant statement to Buzzfeed. She explains the course of her day, remembering going to a party with her younger sister, and then waking up covered in blood in a hospital with no panties on and pine needles in her hair. She then continued to describe the invasive aftermath of photos and tests, nurses measuring abrasions, and questioning.

She was black out drunk and raped, because she remembered nothing he got to make all of the rules. HE got to fill in the blanks. The man who raped an innocent woman will of course say she wanted it, she ASKED for it even. A made up night of dancing and kissing. She was drunk and he took advantage of her weakness.

Her life was halted, not knowing how to talk to even her family or boyfriend about that night. She became isolated and stopped sleeping.

While at work one day she came across an article about her attack. She learned for the first time (like the rest of the internet) that she was found butt naked from the waist down with a strange man on top of her. One of her saviors was crying when describing the scene. The gory details were on the internet before the victim was even informed!

WHAT? She was studied and prodded then sent out into the world with no therapy, then the investigation happened and she wasn’t told, it happened to her and she had to find out at work. As if she was invisible, she didn’t matter. In the article the rapist claimed that SHE LIKED IT!

After reading the entire article about the gory details of her assault, the article listed his swimming times. His swimming times were more relevant than her goddamn life. She couldn’t digest the information and passed out when trying to tell her family what happened.

She realized that if it hadn’t happened to her he would have raped some other girl instead. Thank god he was caught, he will pay for this, she thought. ct-brock-turner-stanford-rape-20160607

Money and privilege win out, surprise. The over priced lawyers turned her into a demon and glorified Brocky-poo. He was drunk too, but not “black out.” Yea she liked it, she danced with me, she rubbed my back.

Bullshit. No woman wants to be face down covered in pine needles behind a dumpster. No good human has sex with someone who is unconscious and flees from the scene when confronted.

He knew damn well he was wrong and still didn’t have to pay for it because he is white, rich, and a star athlete. The rules are different.

The helplessness she felt was even more traumatic than the deed itself. In the end she says that she suffered for every girl out there who is going through the same thing, there are so many more, so many who have never spoken out. Invisible victims of society, taught that it was their fault.


Things need to change! Victims of sexual abuse have no voice, the consequences of such evil deeds need to be more severe, it is a travesty.

It is also about class and race. If a poor black man was convicted of a similar crime against a white woman he would be hung, nobody would care, there would be no surprising headline. Everything must be equal. No matter your race or class you must be punished for your wrong doings equally.

It is not fair that we do not feel safe, I am often asked if the streets around where I work are safe to walk at night, I want to say Yes, but really think No, there are no safe places for women. No matter where we are there is a chance for horrific things to happen to us, day or night.

Nothing we wear or don’t wear, nothing we say or do can save us. UNLESS we stand together and take back the night, we stand with our sisters would have been abused and make sure it never happens again. We fight to make sure rapists get what they deserve and let it be known that women are strong, especially together.

Do not be silenced, do not stand for this.

I was cruising Facebook and came across a video of children being asked questions about race. They had a black doll and a white doll on a table. Children of all races responded that the black doll was ugly and mean and the white doll was beautiful and desirable.

It was heartbreaking to watch the most beautiful black children say the black doll was ugly and then when asked which doll looks like them point to it. The white girl says the doll is beautiful because it looks like me, the black girl says the doll is beautiful because it is white.

whiteprivilegeWe all know that both dolls are equally as beautiful, there is no contest or color scale. It is so fucked up that children are not taught the beauty in diversity and to love the skin that they were born in because it is perfect, we are all shades of humanity, all shades of love and possibility.

Our world is white washed and so many people are discriminated against and made to feel less. It is not a privilege to feel lovely in your skin, it’s a right! Children are raised in a shitty racist world where white privilege is real.

Don’t Call Me White is one of my favorite NOFX songs. It’s hard to relate to a race that has done so wrong, but I am who I am. I need to change the stereotype and make sure that it stops with me. You can’t turn back time and undo slavery and oppression, but you can make damn sure it doesn’t happen again and try your hardest to not fall into that category.

I try to be mindful of everything I do, but sometimes things slip through the cracks. I was called out on being racist for dressing like Frida Kahlo. The woman who called me out was right! Mexican face is as disgusting as black face. I did it for tribute out of love, but did not think about the repercussions of a different context. I only wanted to show that I adore Frida’s work and was proud that she shared her struggle with her artistic audience.

I am not a handicapped artist of color, I am white and fully healthy, I have never experienced the kind of pain that she had endured during her tumultuous life. In no way was my intention to offend anyone or demean their experience and I apologize if I did so. I hate to be in that category.

I once wanted to portray that I was Bill Cosby for a performance about consent, all I needed was his sweater to be convincing. You can find ways to be people for art without being an insensitive asshole. Hate and cultural appropriation are not okay.

I have openly judged the Catholic church on stage by wearing a pope hat and simulated sodomizing the altar boy before but would never ever wear a burka on stage. I was offended when I saw a white girl paint her whole body brown for a Josephine Baker burlesque tribute with the bananas and all. White kids wearing Native American headdresses is also blatantly racist yet socially acceptable.

chapelle whiteface
Dave Chapelle in whiteface

I was however not offended when Dave Chappele did white face, because when has that ever happened? He made a statement against the white supremacy of the entertainment industry. It is incredible to me that we are still ruled by rich white men in suits. The lack of black artists being honored in the Oscars is a testament to that. The Academy is white men, of course they relate to movies about themselves and their socioeconomic situation.

Just like everything in life, we need a diverse panel to get a fair representation of humanity. If a black child got to see an actor that looks like them get their due honor and accolades they too will be inspired to rise to such great heights. If the same child only sees white people succeed they will never think that success is a possibility for them.

Artistic expression can bridge the divide if used properly. My friend is an accomplished African dancer and he went to Dublin Ireland to dance with his troupe. There they performed with a traditional Irish dance group. Each group did their traditional culturally specific dances and then taught each other how to do it too. They were all professionally trained in their own style and were forced out of their comfort zone in the name of artistic expression and melting of ideas.

It must have been truly incredible to see girls in full Irish dance gear doing African dance and vice versa African dancers doing Irish dance in their African garb. This beautiful cultural exchange is what we need more of in this world, collaboration built on exploration of differences and love. We need to be authentic, share, celebrate our differences, support each other, and not mock or demean anyone.

My roommate told me about an incident where she works where two gay man were calling each other faggots, they were reported by a straight woman on staff who was offended. These gay men were then accused of being homophobes. Say what?

For me it is a situation where they are reclaiming ownership over the word and using it as a term of endearment. Like how it is acceptable for black rappers to drop the N bomb in a song but absolutely inappropriate for white rappers to do so. When you are oppressed by a word and you take it back and be like “this word doesn’t have power over me anymore” and say it ,that is different from using hateful slang. People need to really look at situations before they cry hate and realize what’s happening.

I just came back from Jacq the Stripper’s Beaver Show in Toronto and she talked about etiquette when at a strip club. It was awesome to hear accounts from a stripper’s perspective. She said that sometimes women were the worst offenders of being assholes to strippers.

Female mysogynists exist! They toned it up a notch just to fit in with the douchebros they were with, showing that in fact they could hang with the boys. Trying to shove a dollar bill in places where dollar bills don’t go, being pushy, no means no, “DON’T BE PART OF THE PROBLEM!” she said.

Damn that resonates. It makes me think back to any time I objectified someone or made them feel uncomfortable due to my disrespectful actions. Nobody is perfect. I am a feminist female and I still sometimes make sexist remarks to the girls and guys I work with. It is all in jest and I consider these humans my friends, but what if I am the problem here? I don’t want to belittle anyone or turn them into a sexual object for my gaze. It is absolutely wrong to make someone feel uncomfortable due to your ignorant words and actions.

Everybody deserves to feel beautiful. Don’t steal from other cultures but rather learn from them. Nobody is immune from being an asshole, you just have to admit when it happens, own it, and insight change in yourself and others. Compassion, sensitivity, tact, and respect must be used in all situations. Never tolerate ignorance! We need to promote positivity and put an end to racism, sexism, homophobia, and hate in all of its ugly shades. It all starts right now with you and me…